In Judaism, shiv’ah or shiva (Hebrew: שבעה ; “seven”) is the week-long period of grief and mourning for the seven first-degree relatives: father, mother, son, daughter, brother, sister, and spouse. (Grandparents and grandchildren are not included). As most regular activity is interrupted, the process of following the shiv’ah ritual is referred to as sitting shiva. Shiva is part of a suite of customs for bereavement in Judaism.

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Last night I ate sponge cake from a stranger’s table.

Let’s back up a bit: I received an email from the administrator of my synagogue’s front office this past Friday which was sent to several leaders of the congregation. There was a death in the family of one of the congregants. The funeral was held on Friday afternoon. As per Jewish tradition, shiva was to be held at the family’s home for the next few days. This usually entails the mourners (in this case, the wife and her grown children) staying at the house and receiving lots of visitors who are there to help comfort them.  The main time to congregate is surrounding a short, nightly prayer service during which time those in mourning recite a prayer called the Mourners’ Kaddish. The clergy of the synagogue both were unavailable to lead the service for Sunday evening; could someone assist and lead that service at their home on Sunday? I answered back and said that I could help out.

So — off I went this evening. To a home a few miles away. Belonging to someone I didn’t know at all.  Who was grieving for her late husband who died less than a week ago. Kind of a potentially awkward situation…

I thought back to the time about 2 1/2 years ago when we sat shiva for my mom at the home in which I grew up. It was a bit different — at that time my parents were not only members of two different synagogues, but also well-established leaders in both communities. And the folks from a third synagogue knew my dad quite well as he would frequent that congregation’s services on Thursday evenings before he went Israeli dancing.  So we had a huge outpouring of visitors throughout shiva. The place was packed every night when it was time for that service. And since all of us — my dad, my brother and me — knew how to lead the service, there wasn’t really any need for someone from the congregation to help out in that capacity.

There were loads of people from many different communities. Some of them I had known for a long time and hadn’t seen since I had graduated high school sixteen years earlier. Some of them I had met once or twice, or perhaps had heard about from my parents. Some were complete strangers to me. Others I was shocked to see there: there was one woman whom I knew through different circles from my parents as volunteers for our youth grop. She happened to stop by — as a stranger who was performing a good deed by being there with the mourners during their time of grief — not even knowing who they were. When she saw me she realized the last name and put two and two together.

And people bring food — lots of it! Or they order it to be delivered. Some would say that it’s a Jewish thing, but it’s really something shared by most ethnic groups. In this case, so many people wanted to send us a platter of food (so we didn’t have to worry about having to make something to eat) from the local Jewish market that one of their employees (who happened to be a former youth group kid of ours) had to field calls to people saying that we already had more than enough food. Yes — she was turning away sales because they were overwhelmed with people who were kind enough to help us. It was truly an amazing feeling during a really tough time for us. It made us feel that my mom — and our family — were loved and cared about by the community.

Back to last night: The door was unlocked and I saw people milling about inside already, so I slowly turned the knob and openedit, not knowing anything about the people inside. Who was Marjorie, the woman who just lost her husband?  Who were all of the other people? What did the husband die of? How old was he? All of these were uncertainties in my head as I crossed the threshhold.

A relatively cheery woman probably saw that I looked a bit lost ad introduced herself to me. She was Marjorie.  I told her my name, thinking that maybe the synagogue would have mentioned something about the service.  She responded very sweetly. “Ah, yes. Jacob’s friend. Jacob is right in there…”

“Actually, I’m hear to lead the service. I’m from the synagogue.”

To which we both had a bit of a laugh. She apologized; I appeared around the same age as her daughter and son-in-law, so she assumed that I was that Mike.  She invited me in. A few minutes later I was passing out prayer books and w got the service started.

And the service literally lasts for about 5 to 10 minutes. Most of it is recited individually in either Hebrew or English. At the end is a responsive reading of Psalm 42, which was led by Marjorie. The living room and foyer were packed with family and friends, many of whom were reciting the Mourners’ Kaddish along with Marjorie.

And then that was it. Marjorie thanked everyone terafully, saying that this has been such a difficult time for her and that it was good to have people around. She invited people to stay, talk, eat.

I didn’t stay too long — just that one piece of sponge cake. But I did see pictures that were displayed of their family — a very happy family through and through to the end when Marjorie’s husband finally succumbed to the cancer he was fighting. There was a picture o them on a beach — dated December 31, 2008. They all looked happy and full of life.

I mentioned this to Marjorie on the way out.  That although I didn’t know them at all before this evening, it was pretty obvious why so many family and friends joined them that evening. And she thanked me again for leading that service — for ten minutes of my time that simply could have been incredibly awkward.

I don’t consider what I did all that special. I know a bit of Hebrew, I know the basics of the service, I have a loud, projected voice and I can carry a tune when needed.  It’s times like these that I feel that it’s nice to have these skills.

If anything, they help me with these situations which often I dread the most.

___

Shiny will return with something a hell of a lot funnier tomorrow. Promise.

My six year-old son and I were relaxing yesterday evening, playing a game of Crazy Taxi 3 on the computer.  It’s a fun driving game with three “worlds” made to look like Los Angeles, New York City and Las Vegas.  The object is to pick up passengers in your cab and get them from point A to point B as quickly as possible and before the time runs out. This could involve driving on sidewalks, jumping over buildings, heading through the subways and other fun surprises. It’s certainly not a game designed for kids Av’s age, but we play it with the PG-rated dialogue turned completely off. And we’ve had discussions about the game and how it’s very different from real life driving (which does not entail passengers not wearing seatbelts and standing up and high-fiving each other should the car burst through Grand Central Terminal at 60 miles per hour). He also knows that in real life, car crashes are bad and are things we would most like to avoid.

As we were driving in a place called “Small Apple,” the game’s New York world, we had just dropped off a bunch of hockey players to a few different locations, including the television station, the Hard Rock Cafe and the Opera House. (I’m glad that hockey players are portrayed to enjoy opera. I just wonder if it was necessary to wear the padding and bring the stick.) Our cab empty, we drove around to look for some new passengers to pick up.

“I don’t think there are any Muslims here in Small Apple.”

*screech*

“I’m sorry, what did you say?”

He repeated himself. “I just don’t see any Muslims here in the city.”

Where had this come from?  Did he overhear a conversation at home about Muslims?  socKs and I had been discussing the recent incident in the news where an American family was booted off an AirTran flight for the unthinkable crime of appearing in traditional Muslim clothing and saying something about safety that wouldn’t have caused anyone to blink if I had said the same thing. The family was cleared of any wrongdoing but was denied re-entry to the flight or passage on another AirTran flight at that time. (AirTran later apologized and offered to reimburse these passengers for their passage on a different carrier.) Could Av have picked up on our conversations about this?

I decided to probe the subject a bit further. “How do you know that they’re Muslim? What do they look like?”

“You know… they’re … Muslims. They’re brown You’ve seen them…”

Wow.

Av is no stranger to the Muslim world. Many of the teachers at his pre-school were Muslim women from Sudan and Egypt. It was actually quite entertaining: Avi was the only Jewish kid in this nursery school environment which met in the basement of a church.  Almost nobody knew how to pronnounce his name right from the start — except for his Muslim teachers.  When it came time for Christmas, he wasn’t celebrating it, nor were they — but the rest of the kids in school were. The dietary standards we kept as family which ate only Kosher food was new for the school administrators, but many of the Muslim teachers were already familiar with these rules which are similar to Halal, the parallel custom in Islam.  (When we had to set further dietary retrictions during Passover, they were the ones who took care of things very well.)  Even the preliminary Hebrew Avi was learning had some words which were very similar to Arabic ones.

Add into the mix that we live in a pretty diverse community. It’s not uncommon to see observant Jews, Muslims and Sikhs walking around in their respective traditional clothing or watching their kids playing on the same playgrounds. We hear many different languages around — not just English.  It’s just weird that Av would make a sweeping generalization equating Muslims and skin color. I decided to make this a learning experience for him.

“Avi, you know that not all people with dark skin are Muslim, right? And not all Muslims have dark skin as well.  People who are Muslim have a different religion — just as we do as Jewish people.  Do you understand?”

And he looked at me as if I had four heads.

“I wasn’t talking about Muslims. I was talking about Muscle Men!”

And, sure enough — the overly-bronzed “muscle men” to whom he was referring were the body builders he enjoyed picking up in the cab in the “West Coast” game. The characters have unique schtick when they get out of the car; the “muscle men” would give a body-building pose and be on their way.  These characters didn’t appear in the “Small Apple.” Hence — no muscle men.

Now it makes perfect sense. The problem doesn’t have to do with learned assumptions based on stereotypes and prejudices in the world of a six year-old. The problem is my hearing.

I really should go and have that checked out…

Just because I didn’t do a recap of 2008 doesn’t mean I need to steer clear of the Resolutions and Goals people often make at the beginning of the new year…

Oh — and remember: these are just suggestions. I hope to fulfil all of them. If I don’t? Well, nobody’s perfect.  I can only do the best I can.

My Top 8 Resolutions/Goals for 2009

8. I will have no Christmas decorations still up by the end of this weekend.

(cc) Amber Rhea - http://flickr.com/photos/amberlrhea/

Don’t you hate it when neighbors simply procrastinate to no end and, by the time it’s 90 degrees out, there’s still a nativity scene baking in the hot sun? Or tho Christmas lights on a timer which come on when there’s still a good four hours of sunlight left? Wholly inappropriate. I will not be one of those people this year. Come tomorrow evening — not a Christmas light or decoration on the exterior of my house. And inside? Not even a stray pine needle.

True — this may be slightly easier for me since, as a Jew, I don’t celebrate Christmas, nor do I have any Christmas decorations to start with.  But I feel that I should start off small-scale and give myself an easy task out of the gate.

7.  I will [do my best to] post every single day.

This is a far loftier goal than #8.  And I’ve noticed that once things in my life get busier — the blog becomes neglected. That being said — I want to get to as close to 365 posts in 2009 as possible.  Some of them may not be very long. My Lists on the 3s certainly will be whacked down in size.  But at least there will be some sort of consistency — which will allow people to not wonder if I’ve fallen off the face of the Earth.

Of course — I can promise you that I’ll likely include more pre-made memes and enlist guest bloggers. Be warned: I’ll be whining for volunteers when things get busy…

6.  I will break up with either “24″ or “Heroes” in 2009. This is a tough one: I’ve loved both shows since their inceptions.  I’m still interested in their respective storylines, and there are even some wonderful new developments that interest me more this year.  With “24″ being centered locally (in Washington, DC), will the show speak more to me? And with some sneaky spoilers by a “Heroes” castmember I happen to follow on Twitter, I’m intrigued by some of the new ideas for this year — also by the rumored return of Bryan Fuller to the writing staff.

However — and it really pains me to say this — both shows have really treated me like poop lately. This past Fall I simply watched Heroes to see if it it would get any better. Week after week I found the answer to be no. And “24″ — it’s just not the same without Jack Bauer’s daughter running through the woods and getting eaten by a bear.

Then again — I’m certainly not against dropping “Lost” if it starts getting too weird. I’m reminded of a wonderful television show, “Alias,” which started out so beautifully and then started to suck so hard — but I watched every single excrutiating episode to see what would happen at the end.

I’m just happy that I’ve already broken up with CSI:Miami.

5.  I will take at least one leisurely bike ride in 2009. This one might seem pretty straightfoward and easy. I mean — one bike ride? Shouldn’t be so tough, right?

Well no — until you factor in two shockin truths:

(a) I do not presently own a bicycle.

(b) in my 36 years on this planet, I have never learned to ride a bike.

Some of you may be wondering how the hell that happened. Others are probably engaged in sighs of relief. Because you know — no bike = no bike shorts. And there’s an image we can do without.

But it boils down to this: my son is six years old. I want to buy him a proper bike and teach him how to ride. And if he gets one, I get one. Granted, I’ll be the one with the training wheels.  But by the end of the summer? I’m hoping we can both ride.

4. I will stay the hell out of Washington, DC on January 20 when our next president is inaugurated. I’m usually a pretty political person. Living in this city will do that to you. However, I’m happy to announce that I do have work that day — and my son will be one of the few in the area who has school that day.  That’s fine by me!  The expected crowds, gridlock and road closures will want me to be as far away from the Capitol as possible.

My commute will certainly be a bitch that day, though…

3.  As much as my friends might attempt to coerce me to do so — usually with the usual “We’re all doing it!” peer pressure tactics that usually get to me year after year, I resolve not to get a clit piercing in 2009.  If this makes me a total prude, so be it.

2. I will sing karaoke in 2009. Haven’t done it since 2006, haven’t done it before that one inebriated evening, either.  I’m not going to promise this, but if any of my loyal readers are with me when there is an opportunity to do karaoke to a Terence Trent d’Arby song of your choice — I will. No questions asked.  Respect always to the T-T-d to the apostrophe A…

1.  I will give up on saying “Awww Yeah” in 2009.

This one will likely be the most difficult to keep. I use Awww Yeah as a crutch of sorts.   I suppose I felt I could do it for the comedic value — primarily after it was made acceptable by the likes of Barry and Lavon.  But I think it’s time for me to stop saying this repeatedly when there’s simply nothing else left to say.

Which sucks because I sound so damn good saying it! Have a listen:

I did, however, grant myself a smooth, cool replacement for Awww Yeah. I was thinking to myself: what exudes the same confirmation and acknowledgement in such a non-chalant way? What phrase could I use which allows me to be responsive but ultra-slick and hyper-savvy?

And I figured out that there was only one word that would work. And it was a word that deserved repeating.

So — my new phrase for 2009 is Right right.

I’ve recorded a sample of me uttering this newest phrase for you as well:

Hopefully I’ll get a bit better as time goes by.

Happy New Year to all. I wish you the best with your goals and resolutions for 2009.

Do you ever have one of those moments where two totally unrelated slices of experience in your life intersect in a trivial, yet noticeable way?

Take, for instance, the song my kid has been singing over the past few days.  He knows it as the “Yonkers” song from Wall-E. (The first 74 seconds are posted in the YouTube video up top.) It happens to be “Put On Your Sunday Clothes” from Hello Dolly – the film version of which is referenced quite a bit in Wall-E.  As the first to admit that I’ve never seen Hello Dolly (nor do I really have any desire to do so), it’s an interesting song about a bunch of kids from the suburbs who want to experience the hoopla that is New York City for the first time.  Since Dolly takes place in the late nineteenth century, I can see how Yonkers would be quite a schlep to the big city.

It’s a fun song, though, and the theme seems to fit Wall-E’s drive to explore the unknown world outside of his own solitude. And it mentions Yonkers, possibly one of the funnier names of places in the tri-state area. (But not quite as funny as Ho-Ho-Kus Borough, NJ.)

Add to the mix that I just finished reading an incredible book by Max Brooks entitled World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War. It’s a fascinating take on a premise done time and time again in film: what if the world was infested with a growing population of zombies?  I haven’t been a huge fan of horror films in general, but I’ve been intrigued when films like Shaun of the Dead come about which simply use the Zombie theme as a landscape.  Brooks bases this novel on Studs Terkel’s The Good War, collecting narratives of survivors all over the world telling their stories of their encounters with the zombie epidemic — from the first diagnoses to the war-like efforts to combat them all around the world, some of which methods worked and some of which didn’t, to the aftermath of a world reclaimed by humanity which appears very differently from our own.  It’s a wonderful commentary on how societies around the world are perceived to see war, ilness, fear, spirituality, and survival.

One of the first battles in the war against “Zack” (the American military’s nickname for the zombie swarm; think of “Charlie” in North Vietnam) was fought in, of all places, Yonkers. The narrative included by a soldier in the trenches is quite powerful: it tells that the army was so over-confident that the “Battle of Yonkers” would be such a success that it had about one journalist on the ground for every three American soldiers. The dangers were not easily seen; the army was the force with the tanks and guns and capability to blow the zombies to bits.  (And, by the way, these aren’t the sprinting variety of zombies in 28 Days Later.) But as it was one of the earlier battles, disaster struck the Battle of Yonkers, turning it into a catastrophic loss. Which aired on national TV. Kind of embarassing…

The intersection of Wall-E, Hello Dolly and zombies has assured me of one thing: I’m pretty sure I don’t want to stop in Yonkers anytime soon. Not that there’s anything wrong with this fine town. I just have images of singing zombies marching down Central Avenue dancing in my head, and that can lead to no good.

Has anyone else had these strange moments of intersecting media come up?

It was a picture — they’ve had the same (or a similar) picture of a reveler enjoying the hoopla that is ushering in the new year.  Every year it’s someone who looks like the bar has been kind to him or her. And s/he’s always wearing similar glasses.

This year — it’s this fine fellow:

I know what you’re all thinking: How did this guy win the genetic lottery to be able to grow John Candy’s moustache from “Planes, Trains and Automobiles?” That’s probably fodder for another post althogether.  What I’m talking about are the lovely, obnoxious 2009 glasses.

They came about in the year 2000. It’s when the party favor industry realized that there was a niche market in capitalizing on zeroes for a decade. Remember when the 2000 glasses came out and everyone thought they were so cool?

The design was a bit more rudamentary, but it was still a novelty.

And the thing is — you can’t really wear these more than once. I don’t see so many folks heading to the beach in their old 2003 glasses.  It just doesn’t seem to serve the practical need. And some of them, like the 2009 ones above, are tinted glass. As if you’re actually going to wear them when it’s light out. Strange…

Anyhow — I tried to think about how the 2010 glasses could look. I mean, somebody has to make them. The problem? They look a tad goofy. Well, that’s no more a problem than the past decades of glasses. But these are a smidge off-center:

I’m guessing that it wouldn’t be kind to one’s nose, either.  Hopefully people will be too inebriated to notice.

if anyone has any good ideas for 2011, let me know…

Hey! While you’re here: I’m making a concerted effort to post more regularly in 2009. Furthermore, I’ve made a resolution to be an average of 7% funnier than I was in 2008.  Let’s see if I can keep up with that.

But hey — even with me not at peak funniness, I got picked for 2008 as the “Blogger of the Millennium” by our own NYC Watchdog!

Thanks, Dawg!  When the community bestows this type of recogniition on me for the impact I’ve made on millions in the world community, all I can say is that I’m touched.

As I mentioned yesterday, I’ve been seeing a lot of year-end recaps of the best and worst of everything somehow connected to the Internets.  It’s especially interesting to see people reflect on their own lives throughout all of 2008 — especially those whose blogs I haven’t read very carefully. All I need to do is wait until the last few days of the year and watch them summarize th important plot points, and *Boom!* I’m all caught up.  As someone who doesn’t blog nearly as regularly as I should, I felt that summarizing 2008 in a list for me would be a tad unfair to you, the Shiny’s Takeout viewers and listeners.*  Especially since I started blogging here well into 2008 — how could I summarize something which, according to the vantage point of the Shiny’s Takeout universe, hasn’t happened?

But I realized I could do something better a retrospective not of this year, but rather of this day in my life.  Hopefully you’ll join me and look back alongside me as I think back to the high points and low points that were December 31, 2008. (Or at least the day so far. There’s still a few more hours left to go.) And that, today, will be my List on the 3s.

Top 8 Momentous Moments of December 31, 2008

Personally, I think December 31, 2008 will be a day to remember due to the many ways that my life was affected during those glorious 24 hours. Remembering back to the beginning of the day — it’s hard to believe that gas prices were as high as $1.57  –quite a hike compared to the $1.55 I saw driving home today!  Remember the wacky articles in the newspaper about the rejected cease-fire in Gaza? About Blagojevich’s pick for the vacant Illinois Senate seat?  And throughout the day more news occurred: We saw Paris Hilton talk about a shopping trip in Australia. And how about that Dow Jones? Up today from yesterday! There was also an extra second added to the day at around 7:00pm Eastern.

It was certainly a day of days.  Here are some of the things that happened to me:

8. Free pizza at work!

Because, you know, it’s New Year’s Eve.  One of the supervisors got some pies delivered from Papa Johns for those of us who were working there. I had a slice of plain cheese.  Free pizza is yummy.



7. I was up to date this evening.

I did a random check to make sure that everything was in order. To ensure that I was totally prepared in every way. To be absolutely certain that no new surprises were lurking behind a corner ready to get me.

And you know what? Everything was in its proper place. And I could breathe a sigh of relief.

6. I made the decision to wear my red Maryland sweatshirt this morning.

Working in a relatively casual environment is nice — especially when it’s the day before New Year’s and you can pretty much get away wearing whatever you want.  And today it was Terrapin red.  For a very good reason: Maryland reigned victorious at the Humanitarian Bowl in Boise, ID last night, beating Nevada 42-35.

I didn’t watch a single moment of the Bowl game. But I wanted to — the artificial turf on the field is actually blue, and passing birds often mistake it for a lake. So that would have been fun to watch. Except for the fact that it was a very obscure bowl game.

Yay Maryland!



5.  I shopped at the supermarket on the way home from work — and used one of those handheld scanner things!

I was one of those people who thought “self-checkout” at the grocery store was neat. But this! This was something extraordinary.  You see — you can now walk into the supermarket and scan your “bonus card” and get one of these handheld scanners which you take with you as you shop. Before you drop something in the cart, you scan it.  You keep on doing this until you’re done. Then, when you get to one of those special checkout lanes, you simply check out in a breeze because everything’s already been scanned.  It saves a lot of time and energy!

In theory.

I seemed to trip the system in two ways:  I scanned my bonus card before I scanned the “finished” bar code at the check-out station, which apparently is too much for the scanner to handle, so everything had to be reset. And then — it flipped out on me when I tried to purchase alcohol and no human was there to check my ID. Keep in mind that this is one of the busiest supermarkets in  the area — usually a 24/7 store which was closing down within the hour for the holiday. By the time I finished there were a good seven people in line behind me. Oops…

But hey! Smirnoff Ice. Green apple flavored.



4. I taught my co-worker what “REO Speedwagon” is.

I sit next to a wonderful guy named Mitchell. Mitchell was born in the mid-1980s –and it’s been interesting seeing the world through his eyes as a young man coming of age in the world of December 31, 2008. Since things at work were lighter and more casual than usual, he started playing some music — which I didn’t mind. It was Coldplay’s “Yellow” album.  But soon after, his tastes changed a bit. He fired up YouTube and started playing “Smells Like Teen Spirit” by Nirvana.

It was then that he asked me if I had heard of Nirvana. (!)  I told him I had. He made some reference that Kurt Cobain was his generation’s John Lennon. (I was surprised that he knew who John Lennon was.)

I also told him, in a joking manner, that I really disliked Nirvana — because they changed the landscape of MTV in the early 1990s.  had it not been for Nirvana, grunge would not have caught on nearly as quickly — and we’d still be listening to bands such as Poison, Warrant, Winger, Color Me Badd and REO Speedwagon.

He then asked me that holy grail of questions: What or who is REO Speedwagon?

And I directed him to this YouTube video, warning him that he would probably hate it, but to give it a chance for at least 30 seconds.

Direct YouTube Link

And you know what? Something magical happened. Mitchell did, indeed, listen to the first 30 seconds of “Roll With the Changes,” every over-enunciated word.  And then he turned it off and asked me if I had heard of “Rage Against the Machine.”

Good times…



3. Dan B. confirmed me as a friend on Facebook.

This may not mean very much to many of you — and that’s because you probably don’t know Dan.  Nice guy. Went to elementary school all the way throughout high school with the guy.  He made his way to Duke Law School, but I don’t even hold that against him.  He has three adorable kids, and his parents are wonderful people who were very hospitable to my family when my mom died. I haven’t seen Dan since 1992, but that’s okay. Because we’re Facebook friends and nothing can come between us. Oh — I remember that we used to make fun of his mom’s accent a lot. Guess that was kind of mean of us…



2. My kid greeted me at the door when I got home, gave me a big hug, looked at me funny, asked what that sound was, confused us both, and told me that it was just me farting.

I think this one stands on its own without needing any further explanation.



1. It was really, really, really windy outside.

If anyone asks “What do you remember the most about December 31, 2008?” I think anyone and everyone in the Washington, DC area would come up with the same answer: “Huh?” But if someone were to remind them about the wind, well — it would certainly not be dismissed.

We just simply haven’t had as fierce winds for at least two weeks now. The past two days, in fact, the temperature was well into the 60s. Today the area was plagued with power outages due to tree limbs snapping and falling on electrical lines. There’s a junction close to us called “Seven Corners” where one smart-ass decided, 150 years ago, to have seven roads come together at one intersection. Seven.  Because life wasn’t difficult enough. Anyway, power was out at that large-scale intersection at Seven Corners. Do you really think that people would voluntarily treat this as a seven-way stop?

Apparently the wind was so bad that it knocked the “U” off of the USA Today building here in Northern Virginia. Crews continue to work on repairinit because they don’t want to have it say “SA Today” for longer than they need to.

Anyway — it was windy. And cold. Still is, in fact.  All we need now is some snow…

Well, that’s my take on December 31, 2008. I hope your day was wonderful as well. I wish you the best for a happy and healthy January 1, 2009!

___

* The podcast version of Shiny’s Takeout should be available in mid-2010.

Over the past few days, all I’ve seen throughout the blogosphere and the rest of the Internets have been lists. Recaps. Bullet points. People are giving us their summaries of the year 2008 in so many different ways.  You can find out what the best DVD release of the year was! Or the dumbest political quote! How about the zaniest groomed dog of the year?  No matter where you look — there’s your list dealing with 2008.

I won’t be doing such a list today. Instead, I’m going to give you the #3 position on many of these lists I’ve gleaned off the ‘Net.  Enjoy…

List on the 3s: 3 on the Lists

* Wired Science’s #3 Most Popular Story of 2008: Bolt is Freaky Fast, But Nowhere Near Human Limits. It’s a story about Usain Bolt — the latest fastest man on Earth who ran the 100 meter dash in 9.69 seconds. But apparently he’s still a slacker when you compare him to the potential of homo sapien…

*RedNet.cn’s #3 Top Trend in Publishing in China: Academic books published during the Republic of China years are being “re-discovered” en masse, ranging from literature, history and all branches of social sciences. This represents a restoration of the missing link caused by political and cultural schism. (Source: http://english.rednet.cn/c/2008/12/30/1676701.htm)

* Trendhunter’s #3 Top Trend in Architecture for 2008: 7 Floors and 7 Stars Below Sea Level. A luxury hotel is opening in 2010 off the coast of Istanbul (not Constantinople) which is deep below sea level.  Really pretty pictures.  Worth a look…

* The Rap Up’s 3rd Most Disappointing Rap Album of 2008: Lil’ Wayne - Tha Carter III. Hey — I’m guilty of not having listened to this album — or anything by Lil’ Wayne. When did “Lil’” become the rap name of choice, by the way? It used to be “MC” — Young MC, MC Hammer, MC Lyte, MC Search, MCA, etc.  And now? Lil’ Wayne, Lil’ Jon, Lil’ Bow Wow… Even Lil’ Kim must be pushing fifty by now!  I guess it’s just a sign that I’m getting old. Or big. Whatever. (Source:  http://therapup.uproxx.com/2008/12/the-best-rap-albums-mixtapes-songs-of-2008.html)

* CakeSpy’s #3 Most Delicious Bakery Experience of 2008: Carrot cake from Baker Boys, Asbury Park, NJ. I haven’t even read the article in full yet I feel compelled to include a picture:

Yum. I seriously need to start reading this blog. (Source: http://www.cakespy.com/2008/12/totally-sweet-our-25-most-delicious.html)

* Steve Murrell’s #3 Person Who Died in 2008: Chess Grandmaster Bobby Fischer. To quote Mr. Murrell’s list: “Cause of death: kidney failure.  Claim to fame: Amr chess player – celebrated the 911 terrorist attacks. Comment: smart guy - sad life.”  (Source: http://stevemurrell.typepad.com/my_weblog/2008/12/tues-top-10-list-people-who-died-in-2008.html)

* Digicam Review’s #3 Budget Camera of 2008: The FujiFilm FinePix F40fd.

I’m sure this is no surprise to many of you.  At least those of you who look for the #3 cameras every year… (Source: http://www.digicamreview.com/2008/11/top-5-budget-digital-cameras.html)

* #3 Album of the Year According to a Blogger Named Landon: Fleet Foxes. Apparently they’re a hip, artsy, new, indie, folk band. From Seattle, of all places!  Considering that I found this blog and this #3 entry completely at random, I was pleasantly surprised that I enjoyed the YouTube clip below of an appearance of theirs on Letterman. have a look…

Direct YouTube Link

(Source: http://talkalotsaynothing.blogspot.com/2008/12/top-10-albums-of-2008.html)

* Gay Fleshbot’s #3 Crush Object of 2008: RJ Danvers. I’m not going to include a picture right here, but you can probably find it if you so desire. I have to admit — the guy’s a bit hairy for a porn star. But apparently, per his bio, he enjoys comic books!  So.., there’s that. (Source: http://gay.fleshbot.com/5120429/gay-fleshbots-top-ten-crush-objects-of-2008. WARNING! NSFW (Not Safe For Work). (Unles, of course, your work has something to do with nake male porn stars in the upright and locked position.)

* Spike TV’s #3 “MANswer” of 2008: Actually — here’s the question that is MANswered: What’s the deadliest weapon a prisoner can hide up his ass?” Want to know? Watch the video here: http://www.spike.com/blog/top-ten-manswers-of/71962?page=2&numPerPage=1

* #3 Archaeological Discovery Related to the Bible of 2008: New discoveries at the Tomb of King Herod the Great. To quote: The tomb was discovered and identified in 2007, but on-going excavation in 2008 revealed additional coffins, including one that may belong to one of Herod’s wives and another to one of his sons.  They also found a theater that sat 750 people and included a VIP room with beautiful wall paintings.  All of this further confirms the previous identification that Herod’s tomb was located on the slope of the Herodium.

Finally! Confirmation that Herod’s Tomb was located on the Herodium! We can finally breathe a sigh of relief that the Herodium was named correctly. Imagine the embarrassment if Herod was buried on a slope called the Richardium. Someone would have a lot of explaining to do… (Source: http://blog.bibleplaces.com/2008/12/top-8-of-2008-archaeological.html)

Hope you had a wonderful 2008 full of recaps and bullet points. Here’s wishing for a memorable and listworthy 2009…

In fact, it was the Saturday night before. We hadn’t entirely unpacked from our trip to Orlando — where we had volunteered as staff for our annual youth group international convention for which we volunteer every year. socKs’s doctor said she could fly that week — and why not? She still had at least four more weeks to go. And we’re certainly not the type to be early for anything!  We had, however, gone to Home Depot — so we could finally paint the baby’s room. Something we wanted to do before he or she was born. (We still didn’t know.) We had taped up the molding already, getting prepared for a long day ahead of us for painting. Oh — and shopping for essentials. No way in hell we would be that frazzled couple who wasn’t prepared.

Sunday went slightly differently than planned.

I’m not quite sure how much of it I remember vividly, how much of it was a sleep-deprived blur, and how much of it was a euphoric high. What I do remember was that (a) I got an amazing parking space right next to the hospital in downtown DC, and (b) several hours later I was a Dad.  I even was able to cut the umbilical cord! It was a movement so meaningful and precise — something that just came naturally to me. Just as naturally as our Saturn SC-1 slid into that parking space on New Hampshire Avenue, NW betweem Washington Circle and I Street.

And now he’s six.  Can you believe that? Six.

He shares his age with the name of a character played by Jenna von Oy.

At first I couldn’t imagine him changing nearly as much as he did in his first trip around the sun. But every year he simply doesn’t cease to amaze me. Sure — he gets on my last nerve at times. He certainly tires out his parents.  But he’s also become this — this person. A lot of the time he just gets it. He certainly has a sense of humor not unlike that of myself and socKs.  He can be quite the serious little man at times. And at other times? He can have fun — whether with others or by himself.

Six years!  He’s been on this earth longer than that “Two and a Half Men” show. And hopefully he’ll remain so for much, much longer.

Happy birthday, Av. Thanks for raising us well. Keep up the good work.

I’m on the airplane next to the almost six year-old. He’s a pretty good flyer — now that he’s old enough to help carry his own stuff, go to the bathroom in the terminal, and entertain himself. Now that he’s reading anything and everything, it also makes things more interesting as we can occupy his time more constructively by having him look for our gate and our rows on the plane.

While we were taxiing and waiting to take off, he mentioned the rule about no smacking. I looked in front of him at the latch of his tray-table, at the time upright, and saw the words. He was pretty close. Oh — and he recognized “seat belt.”

And I told him just that. And explained that the word is “smoking” and that people couldn’t do that on the plane. Although the no smacking idea wasn’t necessarily a bad one.

Then he asked me the inevitable question: “Dad, what’s smoking?”

And, of course, I told him. “Smoking involves taking a cigarette, lighting it, and sucking on it a bit. Kind of like a lollipop. Or an ice cream popsicle. And you look really cool when you smoke because you appear all grown up. And believe you me — the girls totally put out for a guy with a pack of Camels…”

Well, no. Not quite that. It’s a nice question to hear. Neither His mom nor I smoke. Same goes for his grandparents, his uncles and aunts and other close relatives. Restaurants around here are smoke-free, and we don’t let him go to cigar bars (except on weekends). School is smoke-free; so are his favorite TV shows on PBS, Noggin and Disney. There aren’t any smokers in the movies or books he chooses, either.

I remember when I asked my mom about the “no drinking and driving” sticker in her 1972 Dodge Coronet I would ride in at around the same age. I didn’t quite get the concept of alcoholic beverages because we simply didn’t have anything to drink at home where the beverage habits of the adults were different from us kids. Every Friday night we would have a very, very, very small amount of wine for Kiddush* and that was it. My parents didn’t drink beer or other alcohol, nor did they drink caffienated coffee. (We were allowed decaf — but didn’t like it until much later.)

So — my mom told me about some stuff that adults sometimes drank that made them sleepy. Like medicine. I didn’t quite understand why people would take medicine if they weren’t sick — especially since I was told earlier that too much medicine (probably something yummy like Dimetapp).

She probably did a pretty good job at the time. Better, I think, that my grandmother did. A tough lady from Brooklyn, I recall reading one of her phone books when I was about eight. (I was a weird kid.) In the introductory section there was a reference to what to do when reporting crimes to the police, and there was a word I bad never seen before. When I asked my grandma what “rape” meant, I was told that it was “when a woman gets beaten up.” I suppose it wasn’t a bad spontaneous answer for someone my age…

I told him what smoking was - it’s something that sometimes people do with their mouths. Kind of like when I chew gum. Except smoking is less healthy for the people around the smoker than chewing gum is for those in the vacinity. Both are not allowed in certain places (school, synagogue, for example) and some people don’t like the mess made by both. It used to be that smoking was allowed in more places, but since then people started to realize that it wasn’t very good for people so they decided to make rules prohibiting it on flights in the USA.

I also told him that we, his parents, do not smoke — nor do his grandparents. And that the people who own the house get to make the rules about if smoking is allowed.

I didn’t have time to campaign to him not to start smoking. Maybe that’s for another day…

I can’t wait for him to ask me about roofies…

But not today.

However — if you’re going through List on the 3s withdrawal, you can point yourselves to Snackie’s World for a very special Christmas-themed List authored by the two of us.  Yes — a Christmas post co-authored by the Jewish guy.  I guess this means that my 15% discount card for Mandelstein’s Kosher Meat and Judaica will likely be revoked imminently…