You may have noticed that I’ve been conspicuously absent from this corner of the blogosphere for a few days now. Some of this has been because life in general has been keeping me busy. I also had a period of sub-broadband speeds for our home internet connection — something which I assure you I’ll cover in a blog entry quite soon. (Hint: it has to do with Twitter and Comcast.)

But the reality here is that there’s been something else sucking up my time and energy to an extent which would make a Dyson vacuum cleaner shudder. I’ve been procrastinating quite a bit and neglecting by blogging — to the extent that I, indeed, missed an important post yesterday.

Yesterday was July 13. And I completely neglected to post a “List on the 3s.” The sad thing? I was well-aware of it. Had I simply forgotten about it, I would easily forgive myself. But no — I simply watched the day creep away while I was engrossed in a weekend-long activity.

And I think it’s time for me to come clean about this addiction — not something I’m very proud of, but something which must be admitted and acknowledged.

I’m Shiny. And I’m addicted to Weed(s).

I’ve known that the show has been out there. The only stars of the show whom I knew were Mary-Louise Parker (whom I knew from The West Wing among other shows) and Kevin Nealon (from SNL). When I was discussing the show with the lovely Hilly not more than a week ago, I really had no desire to see it. All I knew was that it was Parker as a drug dealer living in the suburbs — hence the hilarity. Hilly mentioned some interesting things about the show — including the presence of Albert Brooks in season 4 and some of the Jewish content — and I decided to give it a try.

I’ve watched approximately 43 episodes of the show over the past few days. Good gravy the show is addictive! But now I’ve caught up — and I have no need to seclude myself simply to watch one specific show.

July 13 is gone. However, today is July 14 — or 7-14. And if you add up those numbers you get another number which, if you add those digits together, you get the sum total of 3. For this reason I present:

“List on the 3s” (kind of): Shiny’s Top 5 Things He Likes About “Weeds”

5. The character development is impressive. It reminds me a lot of what Alan Ball did to the characters on Six Feet Under or even American Beauty. The notion that everything seems normal on the exterior but, when you look a little closer, everyone has his “freak flag” is one that makes our characters human — whether they be drug dealers, moral compasses of the community, children,  or anyone else.  You find yourself rooting for — as well as rooting against — pretty much everyone.

4. My impressions of Kevin Nealon has risen above the very, very low expectations I had originally bestowed upon him. I’ll be honest — I never was much of a Nealon fan on SNL. Maybe it’s because he was part of the same cast as the likes of Dana Carvey and Jan Hooks.  Hell, he took over anchoring the news from Dennis Miller who — believe it or not, kids — used to be kind of funny. Kevin Nealon’s delivery  on Weekend Update was simply sub-par — he would flub jokes and simply look nervous.

In “Weeds,” however, he plays city councilman Doug Wilson — a corrupt bastard who loves to have fun (read: get high) and remain completely self-absorbed. But some of his lines are amazing.  I found myself laughing out loud at him and his chutzpah — and the way he said the word “cankles.”  Touche, Kevin…

3. It’s a sexually and verbally explicit comedy on Showtime. It makes me wonder how they would have done Arrested Development on Showtime or HBO.  It opens up the genre to more raw monologues such as this one where Shane gets a lecture on masturbation from Uncle Andy. Brilliant! (And NSFW.)

(Direct YouTube Link)

Bananas. Who knew?

2. They do the Jewish stuff somewhat right. The main family in question (Mary-Louise Parker’s family) are the Botwins — the father of whom was Judah Botwin, a Jewish guy with Jewish ties. In the first season we see Judah’s unveiling (a Jewish ceremony in which the gravestone is, well, unveiled), one of the Botwin kids shouting out Shma Yisrael! before a karate match, and more.  The second and third seasons focus on Andy’s (Judah’s brother) brush with rabbinical school (which, from what I’ve heard, is way off base), and the fourth season shows the Botwin clan (with grandfather Lenny played by Albert Brooks) experiencing Shiva. Some are hits and some are misses. But it works. Most of the time…

1. The way they used “Little Boxes” as the theme song for the first three seasons. It’s a cute, catchy tune with a fun, comedic video montage that goes along with it which provides some well-executed visual commentary.  The first season had the song performed by Malvina Reynolds…

(Direct YouTube Link)

… but the second and third seasons changed it up a bit by having other artists perform the theme song, such as Regina Spektor…

(Direct YouTube Link)

… and Elvis Costello …

(Direct YouTube Link)

… and Death Cab for Cutie …

(Direct YouTube Link)

… and children’s music group, The Laurie Berkner Band …

(Direct YouTube Link)

… and, of course, Billy Bob Thornton.

(Direct YouTube Link)

I’ll miss it for season 4 (which has its own clever title card motif). I just wish that other shows would be as bold…

In lieu of any mind-stimulating content on my blog this evening, I provide you with an audio recording. It’s from 1974, and it consists of me singing the theme to Sesame Street and the alphabet song (introduced by my Mom).

This comes from a cassette tape my sister-in-law converted to digital audio and which my brother, Captain Awesome, emailed me a week ago. To quote the Captain: I just thought the internet was incomplete as an archive of world information as long as it lacked this classic recording.

[audio:http://www.shinystakeout.com/audio/1974-shiny.mp3]
Direct audio link

… and I included a bit of a post-performance interview conducted by my Mom..

[audio:http://www.shinystakeout.com/audio/1974-shiny-1.mp3]
Direct audio link

Enjoy!

List on the 3s!  A vrtual cornicopia of … well, nothing in particular. It’s a list. That appears any time there’s a date with a 3 in it.  I could say more, but I think it’s pretty clear by now.

Be prepared for a shocking surprise: Shiny does not own a Wii, an XBox 260, any of the previous XBoxes 1-359, An iteration of Playstation or any other Nintendo-based gaming system.  In fact, the only gaming systems which grace his house (aside from Windows-based PCs) are:

* one Sega Genesis gaming system which has not been used in over eight years

* two Atari 2600s (both in mediocre shape) which socKs bought off of eBay for a good price. It took a lot of fanagaling to get it to work with our television which was a few decades ahead of the Atari.  And we also needed a new power source. But we eventually got it working! And then put it away for a few years.

The point is — video games have not been as huge a part of my life as for many others my age. While others have shared in such experiences, I have not ever played Call of Duty, Half Life, Splinter Cell, World of Warcraft, Rock Band, Guitar Hero, Sonic the Hedgehog, the Legend of Zelda, Madden 2K7 or a myriad of other games.  I have played Grand Theft Auto III for a while (on the PC), and I was on Second Life for a few minutes before getting bored. Oh — and I’ve played many of the iterations of the Disney/Pixar “Cars” videogame.

This list will demonstrate my video game prowess — from my pre-teen years to the present.

Shiny’s Top 7 Video Games

7. Paperboy (1984)

Direct YouTube Link

I’ll be honest: I liked this game because it was the only one at the time that had handlebars. And I didn’t have to go incredibly fast. And it was a different sort of game than the rest of them out there — it had real-world applicability built in!  And the theme music was catchy in a “Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo” type of way.

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6. Crazy Taxi (1999)

Direct YouTube Link

Once again, real-world application is king.  Besides, I liked the notion of being able to memorize street maps and know where I was going — whether in forward or reverse. And bumping into things? Not bad. I’ve played the original Crazy Taxi in the arcade and a few variations on the PC.

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5. Marble Madness (1984)

Direct YouTube Link

First of all, this game used a trackball – like a big marble to, you know, control a smaller marble.  Second, the graphics and music were ahead of their time. (Although, after listening to it now, I’m thinking of donating my speakers to charity.)

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4. Bejeweled 2 (2004)

Direct YouTube Link

Some of you might play this for the simplicity of it all.

Some of you might play this for the intense strategies.

Some of you might play this for the beautiful backgrounds.

Screw you all — I’m in it for the music. This is some of the eeriest instrumental music I’ve ever heard in a game.

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3. Spy Hunter (1983)

Direct YouTube Link

This was one of the toughest games to master at its time. Your car — it had oil slicks! And smoke screens! And it played the Peter Gunn theme! (Although I always only knew it as the “Theme to Spy Hunter.”) I wasted far too much time on this in the 80s…

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2. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Game (1984)

It’s amazing how much a text-based computer game can hold up! This was the best of all Infocom games, somewhat following the story of the first book in the series with its own hillarious twists and turns. I still remember the insanity which was overcoming all of the obstacles to get that damn babel fish into my ear! Douglas Adams showed us that content was king; his mastery of story-telling made this a truly wonderful experience.

If you’ve never experienced the game, the BBC has an illustrated version of it online here. And if you’re a purist and prefer a text-based, non-illustrated version, the one on the Douglas Adams site is still available.

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1. E.T. – the Video Game (Atari 2600) (1982)

Direct YouTube Link

Was I, perhaps, the only person out there who could (kind of) master this game? Perhaps it was because I gave up on it slightly later than everyone else…

Anyway — watch the music video above. Relevant and cute. 🙂

The passing of George Carlin affects us all in different ways. My first experiences with his material were when, in the DC area, a low-powered AM station went to an all-comedy format when I was in elementary school.  They would run stand-up routines and parody songs all day — mostly rated PG until 10pm came around. That’s when they would unleash the harder stuff.

Except when they would run some of that stuff during the day “by accident.” I recall hearing my mom switch the radio off quickly during one of his routines on the way home from school.  So I listened for him at night — with my radio close by my bed.  This was a man who broke through boundaries.

And later in life, of course, I was amazed at how well he played Cardinal Glick in “Dogma” — the leader of the “Catholicism – Wow!” campaign.

But in our house nowadays, George Carlin’s voice lives on, day after day, in the spirit of this fine character:

That’s Fillmore, the trippy resident of Radiator Springs (from the Disney/Pixar film Cars) who is always at odds with his straight-laced next-door neighbor, Sarge.  The very same one who blasts Jimi Hendrix’s Star Spangled Banner every morning, retaliating against Sarge’s protests with “Respect the classics, man!” The very one who spends his time hocking “organic fuel” *wink, wink* to the masses, crying conspiracy against the government for not realizing the benefits.

Since this is Av’s favorite film, we see it often. And experience Fillmore in the Cars videogames we have.  Avi will also, at times, do his impressions of Fillmore. (“It’s a conspiracy, man!”) It was nice that Carlin’s talents could pass to the next generation as well.

Bye, George. You shall be missed…

“List on the 3s” usually takes place on a date which has a 3 in it. Today is June 17.  No three in there at all. But I’m posting this anyway. Why? Because I appreciate you! For more information, see this post.


I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve never been a huge book reader. I think it’s my borderline ADHD which gets in the way. But I have had some great experiences with a few choice reads.  The books that are on this list are the ones which I do or have read repeatedly, always finding something new buried in the pages. Especially when I used a friut roll-up as a bookmark. Yummy…

Top 8 Books In My Bookcase

8. Cliff Stoll – The Cuckoo’s Egg (1990)

Cliff Stoll was a computer nerd administering servers in the academic world in the late 1980s. He was meticulous enough to find a 75 cent discrepancy between the computer usage time and the registered user accounts on the system. It was the beginning of a journey where he unraveled the mystery of a hacker who was breaking into not only his system, but other academic and government servers as well. Using his own cleverness, he was able to trace the hacker halfway around the world to Germany.  And it’s (apparently) all true!

What I love about this book is that Stoll presents everything at face value. He teaches the techniques he used — as well as the techniques used by his hacker. He explains, in great detail, some of the tools and protocols we take for granted, technologies which were only emerging at the infancy of the Internet.  he also stresses that the Internet sense of community was partially responsible for helping him (and the CIA) nab the hacker. Stoll’s follow up, by the way, Silicon Snake Oil, is a testament to what’s wrong with the Internet (circa 1994) and the dangers of relying solely on computer systems rather than other forms of human interaction.

7.  Nat Hentoff – The Day They Came to Arrest the Book (1983)

Hentoff was well-known as a columnist for The Village Voice among other papers which fought battles over the First Amendment. And this was a departure for him — a fictional novel aimed at teens about censorship.  It was based on a true story — a suburban high school teaches The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn in the classroom. Some students are offended by the language within the book, and it’s immediately pulled from the curriculum and the library shelves. It brings up a discussion about the role of the school administration, students, parents, and the overall community in balancing the needs and wants of a school community.

I read this in sixth grade — and have read it countless times since then.

6. George Orwell – 1984 (1948)

Would you believe I didn’t have to read this for high school? Perhaps it’s the reason I chose this one over Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World. Or perhaps it was out of necesity…

In the Spring of 1990 I was spending several months on a work/study program at a kibbutz in the southern part of Israel. There was pretty much nothing around. And nothing to do. Except read.  My friend Josh happened to have 1984 around, so I read it, waiting for him to be finished with Steven King’s The Dead Zone. Unfortunately, Josh read much slower than I did, and I ended up reading 1984 over and over again. And thinking about how it applied to life in the emerging 1990s.  I still think of it when I read or watch any news disseminated by a large conglomeration.   It’s all about who controls the information.   The book is certainly doubleplusgood.

5. Steven Levitt & Stephen Dubner – Freakonomics (2005)

This book caught some attention when it was released because Bill Bennett had paraphrased a bit of it in a way which made him sound racist.  The book explores the notion of correlation between events — which at times can be misinterpreted as simple causality. For instance — does the name you give your kid impact his/her education? Are teachers in specific situations more or less likely to doctor their students’ standardized test scores? And — did the legalization of abortion in the early 1970s lead to a drop in crime in the mid 1990s?  It’s a fascinating read — and the type of discussions from the book have continued on the Freakonomics Blog. If anything, you’ll learn about the economics of street-level drug trafficking.

4.  Zev Chafets – The Project (1998)

The premise of the novel is pretty far-fetched, but Chafets (an American-born, veteran columnist on Israeli political affairs) tells the story from many different vantage points.  Dewey Goldberg is the accidental president of the United States — due to a freak accident which claimed the life of the president and vice president.  And he’s the first Jewish person in such a position.  He’s up for re-election in the coming year. Meanwhile, he’s playing a political cat and mouse game with Israeli Prime Minister Elihu Barzel — who just offered his endorsement to President Goldberg’s Evangelical Christian opponent.  A closer look shows the Israeli and American involvement in a secret project which involves a political shift in the Middle East — one which has unique implications with a sitting Jewish American president.  So — yeah. Very far-fetched. But I find his character development interesting. Chafets is a talented writer.

3.  Douglas Adams – The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Trilogy (1979-1992)

First there was a BBC Radio series that quickly gained a cult following. And after that? The books.  I remember loaning out my copy of HHGTTG in order to borrow my friend Ethan’s Restaurant at the End of the Universe. I remember watching the low-budget television show.  I even went to see the recent sub-par movie based on the series (not so good) and listened to the last three series of the radio drama (extremely good).

But the central focus were the books — all five of them (which made the word “trilogy” quite inaccurate, but it stuck nonetheless). Adams had a way of wrapping his science fiction around humor like no other. Simply the best.

2. A. J. Jacobs – The Year of Living Biblically (2007)

A.J. Jacobs is a writer for Esquire. His previous book chronicled his experience reading the entire Encyclopedia Britainica from A to Z.  Hard act to follow, isn’t it?

Well, Jacobs decided to read another body of work: The Bible.  And he set out to follow every single rule he could find in it as literally as possible. Coming from a non-religious Jewish background (he proclaims that he is “officially Jewish, but … only in the same way that the Olive Garden is an Italian restaurant”) he takes a look at different religious groups and how they interpret the Bible literally and figuratively. He attempts to live this life while maintaining his family life with his wife and young son.  A lot of this book is funny and clever, but it treats religious beliefs with respect.

Oh – and he has a kick-ass beard and a long robe! Here’s a promotional video for the book:

Direct YouTube Link

1. Douglas Coupland – Microserfs (1995)

I always keep coming back to this book.

I had heard of Douglas Coupland’s other works — such as Generation X and Shampoo Planet. But Microserfs is the one that got be hooked on Coupland. His main character is Daniel, a coder working for Microsoft in the mid-1990s in Seattle.  His work is his life. He lives in a house with other Microsoft coders. He has it pretty good, but after a co-worker creates a new startup multimedia company in Silicon Valley, he must decide whether or not he wants to give up his security for the chance to be “1.0” material.  Tie in the dynamics of working with your friends, dealing with a family experiencing the new economy of the 90s, and the new phenomenon of the Internet — and you’ve got a book which reads like, well, a blog. Even though the technology has changed, this book still holds up extremely well.

In 2006 Coupland released a follow-up (not a sequel) about game coders in Vancouver called jPod — as a Microserfs 2.0 type of experience. I hated it.  It has, however, spawned a not-so-bad television show which aired in Canada this past year.

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Here’s the tenative schedule for the rest of Blog Reader Appreciation Week ‘08:

Sunday, June 15: Lazy Sunday

Monday, June 16: Shiny’s Time-Wasters!

Tuesday, June 17: List on the 3s*: Shiny’s Bookcase

Wednesday, June 18: Fun with “Hebrew with Shiny” / A Tribute to Shiny’s 80s Hair

Thursday, June 19: List on the 3s*: Shiny’s Favorite Blog Posts

Friday, June 20: Shiny’s vlog entry! *cringe*

Saturday, June 21: The Infamous “How Shiny Got Cock-Blocked by Meredith Baxter-Birney” Story

Let the week begin! Your suggestions are my blog entries for the next seven days. See this post for more information…

I’m an avid reader of Avitable‘s – a very clever and funny guy who always seems to make me laug with his blog entries and his comments on my blog. One of his weekly features, Lazy Sunday, evolved over the past month into a contest where readers look for pop culture references in meme-like questions in order to win fun prizes and gain notoriety. I had expressed interest in subbing in for him whenever he wanted a week off, and he gave me a chance today. (This is probably also his way of showing me that he reigns supreme over this type of game.)

The rules: It’s very simple. I go through my Myspace friends and pick one of their survey bulletins and Shiny actually doesn’t have any friends, so he’s furnished 15 questions by himself. Every answer contains a reference to a movie, a television show, or a song. Just guess as many as you can – some will be laughably easy and some will be very difficult. Every correct answer is like a raffle ticket – you get one chance to win per correct answer. If you get 1 right, your name goes in the proverbial hat. If you get 10 right, your name goes in ten times. Et cetera. You’re on the honor system – try not to Google or look at other people’s answers!

The contest ends Tuesday at midnight EST. I’ll give the correct answers and identify the winner on the following Sunday.

Oh — and we’re playing for this:

Strait-Line Rolling Tape 300 is a great tool which brings the tape measure to the next level. It can measure distance (to 1/16″) between points on a wall or other surface. It can even alert you to mark off evenly spaced segments! This is an unopened package with instructions included. (3 AAA batteries not included, though. I’m cheap like that.)

And away we go…

1. What’s the correct spelling of your name?
Big S, small h, small i, big N, small y, and a star.

2. Tell me about your parents. What do you feel were some of the challenges in living with them?
It felt like I was alone in a world so cold. Perhaps I was too demanding of them, but my father always seemed too bold, and my mother was never satisfied. We always screamed at each other.

3. And what about your older brother? Did you two get along well?
I always have to cover for him. I prefer the company of my twin sister and my little brother, Buster.

4. Where did you put your son’s crib when he came home from the hospital as a newborn?
In the center of the room. Not in the corner.

5. What kind of vehicle do you drive?
An old vintage Cadillac. With a Grateful Dead decal stuck on it.

6. Have you had any car trouble lately?
I have. Turns out that there was a banana stuck up my tailpipe.

7. How do you feel about organ donation?
I’m all for it. When I die, I’m donating my eyes to Stevie Wonder.

8. Do you play a musical instrument?
I’m in a Police cover-band.

9. What do you feel is the best attribute of women in general?
Their willingness to do the dishes, clean up my room, do the laundry, the bathroom, etc.

10. Do you have any pets?
We have this adorably cute animal with three eyes and a ravenous appetite.

11. Shiny, are you homophobic? Do you have something against gay people?
Not at all! Actually, some of my best friends are gay! Take, for instance, Mark “Cutback” Davis and Bob “Jungle Vet” Gerard. Those guys are fags!

12. I heard about your uncle, the famous defense attorney. Is he any good?
He’s very good. He uses 52% of his brain. Clocked…

13. Hey — can I snatch a Pepsi from your fridge?
It ain’t free, pal. If you want it; you’ll have to pay for it…

14. What would you do with a million dollars?
Two chicks at the same time.

15. Do you ever blog anonymously? How would I know it’s you?
I guess it’s the purple prose that always gives me away…

Just a reminder that I’ll be the guest on Turnbaby Talks this evening at 8:00pm EDT! We’ll be returning to the world of 80s and 90s music trivia. Get your thinking caps on!

Hey! Next week is Blog Reader Appreciation Week! Click here to tell Shiny what you want him to blog about!

“List on the 3s” needs little to no explanation.



Hey, kids! It’s Friday the 13th! It’s that time again when people are superstitious, thinking of impending doom and going to see slasher movies. It also happens to be a day that (coincidentally?) I had to wipe a nasty virus off of a co-worker’s computer. Gotta love this one day which seems to play not-so-nicely with the fabric of our lives…



My list has nothing to do with Friday the 13th. Sorry…

Shiny’s Top 9 Favorite Muppets

(Note: There is some controversy regarding what constitutes a “Muppet.” Purists will cry foul if any characters which are not “marionette puppets” are given the Muppet moniker. However, my interpretations are a bit more loose than that — which is why you’ll see some potentially questionable content on my list.)

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9. Jim Henson

Direct YouTube Link

This song is from the first season. The first bearded guy singing is and playing banjo is… well, Jim Henson.

Great guy. What a pioneer…

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8. Rowlf the Dog

Direct YouTube Link

Singer. Piano Player. Philosopher. Rowlf and Kermit are the oldest muppets in the bunch. Yet Rowlf is the one with whom I identify. Watch this clip of him singing “You and I and George.” It’s a deleted scene from the first episode of the original Muppet Show series (although it aired in the UK version).

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7. Mahna Mahna

Direct YouTube Link

Yes. His name is “Mahna Mahna.” And he appeared occassionally throughout The Muppet Show. Kind of looks like a young Regis Philbin, doesn’t he?

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6. The Swedish Chef

5. Beaker

Direct YouTube Link

Both of these characters from The Muppet Show live on by communicating without superb verbal skills. Yet they’re effective at conveying their message. (And I’ve always thought it was cool, if not creepy, that the Swedish Chef has human hands.) Here’s a clip celebrating St. Patrick’s Day.

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4. Wembley Fraggle

I love the shirt.

I love that he volunteers as the siren for the Fraggle Rock Fire Department.

I love that he’s named after Wembley Stadium.

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3. Mr. Snuffleupagus

Direct YouTube Link

Fun Fact #1: Mr. Snuffleupagus’s first name is Aloysius

Fun Fact #2: In 1992, the producers of Sesame Street tested an episode where Mr. Snuffleupagus’s parents get a divorce. It didn’t sit well with audiences, so it was shelved.

Possibly the most fascinating story revolving around Snuffy was the revelation to adults that he was, indeed, real — and not just the product of Big Bird’s imagination. This occurred in a show in 1985 when the show’s creators decided that the notion of a child reporting something important to his/her parents and just being brushed off as “oh, that’s just your imagination” might not be a good idea.

Watch the clip. It’s a play on the whole “It’s just your imagination” theme. Doesn’t Mr. Snuffleupagus sound exactly like Kevin from The Office?

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2. The Muppet Formerly Known As Prince

Direct YouTube Link

This is a poorly synced up video from Muppets Tonight when the Artist Formerly Currently Known As Prince gave us a cute rendition of Starfish and Coffee. The accompanying video has him among some Muppets — including a replica of himself. After seeing him lower himself from his pedestal to appear on Muppets Tonight, I felt that he was a bit cooler and more down-to-Earth than I thought he ever was. Kudos, Prince!

And then I saw Kevin Smith talk about his experiences with him and I went back to my original opinions about him. Great musician, though…

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1. Animal

Direct YouTube Link

How can you not love someone with that constant Rock and Roll attitude? He’s more Keith Moon than Keith Moon ever was — but cuddlier. This is possibly one of my favorite Muppet Show clips of all time — featuring Rita Moreno singing “Fever” with the furry one accompanying on drums.

“List on the 3s” is kind of difficult to explain — on any date which has a number 3 in it, such as June 3, I post a list. Which would mean I would not post a list on June 5. Come to think of it, it’s really not difficult to explain at all, is it…

The summer 2008 movie season is in full swing! So far we have had a couple of franchise hits (Sex and the City, Speed Racer, Indiana Jones) and we’ll be getting some more soon (Batman: The Dark Knight, The Hulk, Rush Hour 7: Electric Tuckerloo). But one film which has had quite a bit of buzz already is the summer Wil Smith superhero comedy blockbuster, Hancock. It’s not based on a comic book or TV show, nor is it a sequel. (Yet.)

Wil Smith plays a superhero who has turned into a major asshole. He hires a publicist, played by Jason Bateman, to fix his image issues but ends up boning the publicist’s wife, played by the lovely and boneable Charlize Theron. You can find the trailer online where it pretty much gives away the rest of the movie if you don’t want to be surprised.

But this is a milestone for Jason Bateman — who not only is co-starring with Wil Smith for the first time in a major motion picture, but is also premiering in his first film with the word “cock” in the title. Often it’s a sign that an actor’s value may be depreciating, but in this case I believe it rases the stakes for Bateman.

For he, after all, is an acting legend. A yardstick of comedy excellence. While I haven’t seen films such as Teen Wolf 2 or The Kingdom or his stint as a youngster on Little House on the Prarie, he has been superb in his craft throughout the years as I was able to see him. Thus, I present:

Shiny’s Top 7 Jason Bateman Television/Film Roles

7. David Hogan on Valerie / Valerie’s Family: The Hogans / The Hogan Family (1986-1991)

Direct YouTube Link

Surprisingly, this was his longest-running stint — although the name of the show changed suddenly when contract negotiations exploded for star Valerie Harper, for whom the show was named. I mean, come on! You can’t name a show “Valerie” without a Valerie as the main character! (I guess Bertinelli and Bromfield were busy…)

But anyway, Bateman’s David character was the older, nurturing brother to twins. And since their father, an airline pilot, was away a lot, he took on that fatherly role. Which wasn’t bad for him at all — it was his first “nice guy” role, the roots of which we see in his work today.

Can you believe that this show was actually on for more than five years? Wow…

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6. Rupert “Rip” Reed in Smokin’ Aces (2006)

It was a small part in a big movie, but he played self-deprecating incredibly well as one of Buddy “Aces” Israel’s crooked lawyers. His two scenes are all dialogue and all funny. And the bra doesn’t look too bad, either…

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5. Derek Taylor on Silver Spoons (1982-1983)

Direct YouTube Link

I used to think this was a really dumb show. And now after careful review two decades later — I realize that I was right. maybe I just can’t stand the laugh track.

But i would watch anyway. Because it was a televised version of the Richie Rich comic books. Who doesn’t want to watch a rich kid who is heir to a toy empire who has Erin Gray hanging around the mansion?

But Ricky’s friend, Derek Taylor, really stole the show as the practical joker / con-man. He had this slyness about him that would make adults trust him — but would go above and beyond to be as psychotic as possible.

Sure — some of his pranks were innocuous. (Fast forward to 5:50 in the video above to see Derek in action). But I recall two specific incidents where Derek instigated some new subject matter into the show:

(a) for the science fair, he created a covert listening device and planted it on his dad — who was checking into a hotel with a woman other than his wife; and…

(b) when he and Freddy were sleeping over at Rick’s house, he stole the key to the cable box so they all could watch porn.

Derek was the guy who could carry the show himself. So they decided to give him exactly that, and give the audience exactly what they wanted. So, a year later, NBC presented…

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4. Matthew Burton on It’s Your Move (1984)

Direct YouTube Link

Let’s face it — smart-assery in kids sells. The success of Derek, the sweet little con-man was so great that they gave him his own series. He grew up a bit, entered high school, and defended his mom from the writer-boyfriend (David Garrison) next door. Keep in mind that this was about half a decade before Bart Simpson became legendary doing the same pranks. And even two years before Ferris Bueller and four before Parker Lewis. The show (which aired on NBC) suspended reality enough to make the con-antics funny.

Take this clip, for instance. I remember the premise of the show as if I had seen it yesterday. Bateman’s character creates a fictional rock band to play at the high school dance — and makes them out of skeletons from the science class operated by an intricate pulley system. Suddenly they become a hit — which garners media attention, booked-up gigs and loads of cash. It was really ahead of its time. Bateman was slick.

Oh – and Garrett Morris played the high school principal.

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3. Michael Bluth in Arrested Development (2003-2006)

Direct YouTube Link

Okay, okay. Perhaps the video was based on David Cross’s Tobias character. But Jason Bateman leading this ensemble with a straight face is just amazing. In fact, there’s nothing about the three seasons of this show that is not amazing. It was a wonderful comeback vehicle for him (and for the rest of the cast as well). It’s still unclear if an AD movie is really in the works, but you can bet that I’ll be first in line if it is…

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2. Jake Galvin in The Jake Effect (2002, then 2006)

This was a brilliant midseason replacement show for NBC in 2002. Starring Bateman, Greg Grunberg (Felicity, Alias, Heroes) and Nikki Cox (Unhappily Ever After, Las Vegas). Bateman is Jake, a lawyer alongside Grunberg’s character (they also share an apartment in Chicago) who quits the law firm and decides to teach high school. There he meets a fellow teacher (Cox) with whom things get interesting. It’s a witty show with some of the elements of Arrested Development in it.

And it would have done well had they actually aired it.

But they didn’t. And it got shelved. Luckily it was revived for a brief time by Trio’s (and then Bravo’s) Brilliant But Canceled series where all six episodes were shown online. If you look hard enough you can find these six episodes out there; Google video will sell you them for two bucks a pop as well. Good stuff…

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1. ESPN 8 (“The Ocho!”) Sports Commentator Pepper Brooks in Dodgeball (2004)

Direct YouTube Link

Four words: “Pepper needs new shorts!”

“List on the 3s” is my meme for which I create a list on any date that has a number three in it. “Meme” is derived from a French word, mème (pronounced “moouuuuurrrrjjjjmmmeeewaaa”) which means “something to fill space on a blog without thinking about it too carefully before you’ve already committed.” Enjoy the show…

Some would call them “guilty pleasure” songs. You know what I’m talking about — those pop songs that stay popular even though the critics pan them as stupid and unmeaningful. I am a music snob: I’m one of those folks who only liked “Hootie and the Blowfish” because nobody had every heard of them. And I continued to like them until everybody started to hear of them. And then I started saying some really obnoxious things, like “well, they really sold out.” Which was really a way of saying “I honestly thought they were good until I listened to one of their songs. Now? Not so much.”

But there are some songs that, if people knew I actually liked them, it would lower my music cred significantly. In fact, some of you are probably in that category. To you I plead: don’t read any further if you want to retain any respect for me. This could get very ugly.

Are the cool, music hipster snobs gone? Good. Let’s present:

Top 9 Songs Shiny Never Intended To Like But He Does Anyway

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9. Snow – Informer

Direct YouTube Link

(The video above is Jim Carrey on “In Living Color.” Back when he didn’t make that many creative decisions for himself…)

I didn’t want to like this song because the guy was white and from Toronto. There you go — I’m racist. And xenophobic. A licky boom-boom down.

This is just a fun song. And one where you would have to try to determine what exactly the lyrics were. What could possibly go wrong?

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8. Soulsister – The Way To Your Heart

Direct link To imeem

This is one of those songs you don’t think you know until you hear the chorus. It’s kind of a dumb one, but it triggers some happy memories. Of a girl. Named Michelle. She’s one of the main characters in that story I haven’t yet told on this blog about how I got cock-blocked by Meredith Baxter-Birney…

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7. Nelson – Love and Affection

Direct YouTube Link

Nelson was the punchline of rock radio when I was graduating high school. Who knew that I’d like the harmonies and acoustic feel of “Love and Affection?”

The thing that still creeps me out about this video (after the fact) is that the brothers Nelson remind me of Jake Busey’s Fundamentalist terrorist character in “Contact.” Yeesh…

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6. EMF – Unbelievable

Direct YouTube Link

When this came out, I was really into my alternative / college radio snobbery incarnation. I think the only reason I listened to this is because the name of the album, Schubert Dip, sounded kind of clever.

Since then I’ve bought a CD full of remixes of this very song. And the one mashup I’ve started (and not yet finished) includes this song.

Fact which makes me cringe a bit because I like this song: Yes. That is Andrew Dice Clay who is sampled for the “Ohhh!” and the “it’s unbelievable.”

Fract which makes me cringe a whole lot more: The band sold rights to their song in 2005 to Kraft — advertising some of its cheese as “crumbeleivable.” Ew.

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5. The Escape Club – Wild Wild West

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Direct YouTube Link

Umani’s in the backroom handing out Valium;
Sheriff’s on the airwaves talking to the D.J.’s.
Forty-seven heartbeats beating like a drum —
got to live it up! Live it up!
Ronnie’s got a new gun…

How can you not like this song, people?

Well, I didn’t want to. Because I felt that any song which was (a) self-referring (see my list about songs that should not be covered) and (b) mentioned “safe sex” so it could be cool with the teens was a bit cheesy.

What I didn’t know then was that I live for cheesy! Long live the Escape Club…

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4. Boz Scaggs – Lido Shuffle

Direct YouTube Link

This will show you how shallow I am:

I didn’t want to like this song because I didn’t want to admit to liking something performed by a guy named “Boz.”

I mean, not like “Scaggs” is any better, but still…

This is a great song to sing in the shower. Just a great “Whoa-oh-oh-ohhhhhhhh” potential.

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3. *NSYNC – Bye Bye Bye

Direct YouTube Link

I’ve always had a soft-spot in my heart for *NSYNC. They were popular when I had my very, very short stint DJing and discovering mashups (although I didn’t know that’s what they were called at the time) and obscure remixes I would download. There was one which inserted that hot-at-the-time “Goodbye” recognized by kids everywhere as the AOL voice. I was a star!

I also saw the “Making the Video” special on MTV for this song (link here; embedding has been disabled upon request). It really isn’t bad! And, of course, socKs and I actually went to an *NSYNC concert, chaperoning about a dozen kids. (To our credit, we didn’t pay for our tickets. And they were quite good seats.)

Ten years later — who would have guessed that Joey Fatone would be such a celebrity?

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2. Pseudo Echo – Funkytown

Direct YouTube Link

I fully acknowledge that there’s something wrong with me for liking this.

Let’s trace our steps back to the mid-to-late 1980s. I spent four years in a local theater camp between the ages of 13 and 16. We put on a musical theater performance every year which involved pretty strenuous choreography. (I had the lead the last summer — and had private tap lessons to bring me up to speed for some of the softshoe work I had to do.) So — this meant a lot of dance practice. For some reason, our choreographer really liked the original Lipps Inc. version of Funkytown. I didn’t. When this version came out, I saw it as a rockin’ rebellious version of that song. Because that was me! Rockin’ and rebellious!

I dare you to watch the video in full and not tell me that it doesn’t just scream 1986…

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1. Styx – Mr. Roboto

Direct YouTube Link

This takes me back to what was a relatively painful summer for me. It was 1983 and I was attending my third summer at this camp in Massachusetts. I was the chubby kid who everyone was poking fun at that summer, so it was miserable for me. I also didn’t know how to react socially in certain situations, so that made things even worse.

This song, however, wasn’t part of the problem. It was played by Jay, my counselor at the time, almost non-stop. He had the cassette insert to the “Kilroy Was Here” album which we used to read out loud to each other because it was a sci-fi story in 200 words or less. And it was a concept album, which meant we could all be music snobs between the bouts of the other kids making fun of me.

The song has turned the corner for many being “so bad it’s good.” But for me, this has always been a cheesy song which, I may be embarrassed to say, I’ve always liked. I even bought the 45 to this upon returning from camp. Now that’s dedication.

List on the 3s!
List on the 3s!
It’s a new list
for youz and meez!
I make a list
On any date
which contains a 3 —
So don’t go hate.

I’m sure you’re all familiar with this picture by now:

If you’re still not filled in, there was a rather silly controversy earlier this week when this web-ad appeared online — and conservative critics including blogger Michelle Malkin associated Ray’s scarf to be similar to a kaffiyeh, a headdress traditionally worn by Arab folks and thus, per the critics’ logic, could insinuate that Ray and Dunkin Donuts are supportive of terrorism. Dunkin Donuts decided to pull the ad on Wednesday, acknowledging “the possibility of misperception.”

I don’t think Dunkin Donuts should have caved to this pressure by right-wing Islamophobes. Not at all. Not when there are many, many more pressing issues about this ad that should be the impetus for its removal…

Top 6 Reasons To Retract That Dunkin’ Donuts Ad

6. Her head is too big for her body in that picture. Really. She looks like a bobble-head in this photo. Don’t get me wrong — I’m not calling her unattractive. Not in the least. It’s just not a realistic portrayal of her. Compare the picture above to this one of her:

Again — she looks adorable — especially when you put her right next to someone Eddie Van Halen used to climb on top of on a regular basis. But her head here looks more in-tune with the size of her body.

5. The “Click for Audio” label is inconsistent with the icon. The icon is one of those circles with the slash through it — as to indicate “mute the audio.” Yet the label asks you to click it for audio. Which one is it?

This also begs the question which makes me cringe: is the appearance of that icon an indicator that sound was actually playing upon the loading of that ad? Because that’s a foul in itself. Ads on webpages should be seen and not heard. Unless you’re at the public library and it’s for porn.

4. The advertisement is seasonally inaccurate. There are cherry blossoms in the background. Please humor me and find one locale on this continent where, after Memorial Day, cherry blossoms are still budding in that manner. What are we teaching to our children with such obvious deceit? Why cherry blossoms anyway? Perhaps it’s because…

3. The pink blossoms on the trees symbolize gay pride and demonstrate support for same-sex marriage. Rachel Ray caresses a latte; the guy who played Sulu marries a dude. I can see the perverse connection. Can’t you?

2. “Choices to Feel Good About” is a sentence fragment ending with a preposition. “Choices about which to feel good” may take up two lines with added copy, but let’s face it — there’s plenty of whitespace which I can easily point to. And think of the children: Can you think of anything else aside from the web for them to learn with? Sometimes it’s the big picture people have to envision themselves in.

1. The building in the background kind of looks like a condom with reservoir tip. I’m surprised that Malkin and crew didn’t pick up on this one — in a society like ours where the morals and values of our children are at stake, we can’t allow an ad to provide a “just say yes to sex” message. We need to re-educate our students to know that they shouldn’t be conditioned to think of anatomy as just tall, grande or venti.

And there you have it. I only wish they’d reinstate the ad just so we could demand they revoke it again…

See you tomorrow for… well, List on the 3s!