“List on the 3s” is kind of like that guy in high school with the fedora — always thinking that he’s clever, but he just gets tiring after a while. And he pretends that every tabletop surface is a piano and starts playing it.  And one other major thing: he writes up a list of some sort on any calendar date which includes a 3.

There are some in this world who give fedoras a bad name.

I love movies. Well, certain movies. There are many mainstream films which I love. Die Hard, for instance, is one of those classic go-to movies that I hold dear on so many levels. Same goes for Ocean’s Eleven. This is Spinal Tap. The Princess Bride. Clerks. There are so many others which come to mind.

But then there are those which are magnificent — even though they didn’t really hit the mainstream as much as I felt they could.  Some of them are unknowns; some of them really had the potential to make it big with star power but just never took off for some reason.  But they all are films I would strongly recommend despite their relative obscruity in the field.

(And yes — I expect that many of you will reply saying that you’ve heard of these. Or that you don’t feel that one should be on the list because it enjoyed commercial or critical success.  I encourage you to do so.  Also — add your own suggestions of those lesser known films that I might want to see.)

Top 7 Movies I Love Which You Probably Haven’t Seen

7. The Commitments (1991)

Direct YouTube Link (to the movie trailer)

I’ve covered this film before on the blog. It had a commercial release and some hype — but mostly went unnoticed. It was created by Alan Parker, the same guy who did Fame as well as many other famous films.  It focuses on a bunch of Northern Dublin residents who form a band playing soul music — and experiencing what soul is all about. It’s funny. And raunchy. And Colm Meaney (Miles O’Brien from Star Trek: The Next Generation) steals the show as the lead character’s Elvis obsessed Dad. Great soundtrack, great characters. It’s a film I could watch over and over again.

6. Things to Do in Denver When You’re Dead (1995)

Direct YouTube Link (to movie trailer)

Andy Garcia is “Jimmy the Saint,” an ex-mobster who seems to have gone straight. But the boss of the crime syndicate in Denver (a paraplegic Christopher Walken) gets him together with his crew to do one more “job” — after which they’re all okay to walk away, handsomely paid.

Except that the job goes horribly wrong. By no fault of Jimmy’s. But because Jimmy’s crew didn’t follow his directions.

Walken’s boss character is extremely upset. but he gives Jimmy a head start — 48 hours to leave Denver. His team, however, must be eliminated.  Instead of running, Jimmy decides to use his last 48 hours to try to save his crew — as well as some other folks he’s had contact with in Denver.  Very moving piece. Very violent as well.

And the cast! The crew consists of Bill Nunn, Treat Williams, William Forsythe and Christopher Lloyd.  Gabrielle Anwar and Lori Petty also co-star.  It’s a different kind of mobster film, but let’s face it: you don’t find many of those set in the Mile High City…

5. Waydowntown (2000)

You’re probably wondering: Where are all of the fine Canadian films on this list? Here’s one…

The setting: Downtown Calgary, Alberta.  The major urban center is built in a way where the high-rise office buildings and high-rise residential buildings are all connected by indoor walkways and shopping centers.  Our 20-something lead characters work in the same office — and have a bet going: who can survive the longest without venturing outside? The prize: a month’s salary.  Watch as they try to cope without going stir-crazy.

It’s interesting to see the roles that these folks have in their jobs and personal lives — and how much they’re intertwined. There’s also a strong, Office Space-like message about breaking out of the mold of one’s job structure. It’s kind of a surreal flick, but quite good.

4. The Court Jester (1955)

Direct YouTube Link

I suppose it’s arguable that this one doesn’t belong on the list — as it was popular in its time. It was even nominated for a Golden Globe.  But most people have forgotten this tale which predates The Princess Bride and Monty Python and the Holy Grail.It stars Danny Kaye as a lesser-known rebel against the king of a medieval empire — who infiltrates the kingdom as a court jester to return it to the rightful heir.  50s style hijinks ensue — But there are several scenes that are simply memorable. Take, for instance, the first five minutes of the scene above, where Kaye’s character is about to head into a joust but is being told of a clever plan to have his opponent poisoned beforehand. Way ahead of its time…

3. The Wizard of Speed and Time (1988)

Direct YouTube Link (to movie trailer)

It all started with a short film in the late 70s.

Mike Jittlov was that filmmaker. And a special effects enthusiast who wanted to share his talent with Hollywood. He made a special effects short called The Wizard of Speed and Time which was amazing for the decade and the budget.  Jittlov then was commissioned by a producer to create a full-length comedy about the making of the short film. In it — he plays himself, and his producer plays the sleazy producer.  And Miami Vice’s Philip Michael Thomas plays a cop.

It’s a campy film, but it’s filled with fun (and stupid) special effects as well as a running commentary on the way that Hollywood works (or doesn’t).  It’s a true geek film and one I would highly recommend.

Best part about it: Jittlov himself — who owns the rights to distribute the film — has allowed this to be legally downloaded for personal use! Do a bittorrent search and you’ll find it.  Rumors are that he will be releasing a deluxe DVD as well.

2. The Man From Earth (2007)

Direct YouTube Link (to the movie trailer)

Premise: A college professor (played brilliantly by CSI: Miami’s David Lee Smith) has announced his retirement. His colleagues throw him an impromptu going away party where he reveals a little secret to them: he’s not really the 35 year old man they thought they knew. Instead, he’s actually a guy who stopped aging when he was 35. That was about 14,000 years ago.  Very reminiscient of the short-lived FOX series New Amsterdam.

But the entire film is simply a bunch of people in a room talking about this — challenging him with questions. Expressing their doubts and their beliefs as he tries to explain his story. There are no flashbacks, no demonstrations of super powers — no action scenes. Just dialogue.  But that’s what makes the film:  the characters ask all of the questions you’d want to ask. They react the way you’d react.

If you’re looking for something which will pump your adrenaline, this won’t cut it. But it’s a damn good film if you’re in the mood for something science-fiction which poses a very big “What if.”

1. Wet Hot American Summer (2001)

Yes. there are many movies out there which parody a specific genre. But there are only few which are as smart as this one. Created by Michael Showalter and David Wain of MTV’s The State and Stella (a trio which puts them with Michael Ian Black), this is a parody of the 80s summer camp movies we used to love.  Set on the last day of camp in the summer of 1981, it features Janeane Garofalo as the camp director, David Hyde Pierce as the astrophysicist who happens to live next to the camp, and counselors played by Zak Orth, Michael Ian Black, Paul Rudd, Molly Shannon, Amy Poehler, Bradley Cooper and many others. The show is stolen by some of the kids as well as Christopher Meloni — who plays the borderline psychotic chef who still has issues with his time in Vietnam and says some very inappropriate things in front of the kids. Such as, for instance, his intent to hump the fridge:

Direct YouTube Link

… or his unique take on vegan campers and hothouse corn (from the deleted scenes):

Direct YouTube Link

… or… well, here’s the first ten minutes if you’re interested:

Direct YouTube Link

It’s a must if you’ve ever been a summer camp counselor. Or been to summer camp.

So — what about you? What obscure movies are on your lists?

“List on the 3s” occurs on ever calendar date on which I happen to include a list of some sort in my blog.  On those calendar dates, I try to make sure that I’ve included a 3 somewhere.  That makes everything fall into place.

I know that many of you have wondered quite a few things about me.  While there is a lot of my life which is an open book, there still remains quite a bit which is a mystery.  Perhaps the question which comes up the most often is this one:

Shiny, did you get turned on during Salma Hayek’s dance scene in “From Dusk ‘Til Dawn?”

The answer to that: Are you kidding me? If you haven’t seen the film… well, here’s the dance in full:

Direct YouTube Link

It’s not every day that I see someone dance with a live snake. But she pulls the dance off just — just wonderfully.

Oh — and although hers are quite sexy, I’m not a feet or toes person. They simply don’t belong in another person’s mouth. Not even Quentin Tarantino’s. But still — it doesn’t negate from the whole of the experience.

But back to the snake: I’ve heard that they’re pretty cool animals to have as pets. But I never had one growing up. It simply wasn’t a priority for my parents to have a pet. My mom never had one, and my dad’s family got one only after he left for college. We would take care of the cats next door when their owners were on vacation, and there was a dog on the other side who was very friendly. That was the extent of it.  It’s not that we had any animosity against animals as pets; it just didn’t happen.

I married into a family that had pets.

And through my marriage, I inherited my first and only pet (so far). Which brings us to the list:

Top 1 Pet That I Have Owned

1. Fyona R. Cat

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(click for the full-sized photo)

(The photo above was taken about 90 minutes ago.)

Fyona was the lone roommate of socKs when we started dating in 1996.  And she certainly didn’t like me invading her space.

You see, she was a very protective cat. I was a stranger. A threat. She would retreat and hiss around me. It took a long while for her to get used to the fact that I was going to be a pretty active staple in her life — especially after we moved into a new apartment (which, fortunately for her, had more room to run around).

This was taken sometime in 1998. She’s all nice and comfy atop the Sega Genesis. Still kind of standoffish, though.  Only after a bit of time did she discover that I would feed her every so often and clean her litterbox. We tolerated each other.

We moved to our house in 2001. Fyona doesn’t do car trips well (without throwing up), and we had medicated her so she would be okay for the trip. When we got there, she was a bit woozy — and a bit out of her own surroundings.  And — here was a big house! We showed her where her litterbox was, and then we showed her this phenomenon which freaked her out — stairs.  (She had lived in a one-floor apartment since socKs got her in 6 years earlier.) She climbed down carefully, step by step.  And then she was having trouble getting back up!  She spent the night traumatized under the covers of our bed.

Within a week she had the stairs completely covered, racing up and down them like no tomorrow.  She knew that she had the run of the house.

Until the thing arrived…

(Taken February 1, 2003. Click to enlarge.)

That was a rude awakening. First of all, the kid got her room. That’s enough to piss anyone off. And secondly? The thing smelled and made noise! She would regularly retreat from the level Av was on. And as he got bigger, he would start scaring her a bit. Eventually they got to be friends (after he learned to feed her).

Since then she’s mellowed a bit — understandable for a cat who is pushing 15. She’s had a run of health problems throughout the years, but seems to be doing relatively okay nonetheless.

(Also taken today. Click to enlarge.)

You may be able to notice her eyes are fogged over in the latest pictures.  She has extensive cataracts rendering her almost blind in one eye and totally blind in the other. But she still gets around quite well. She still knows who we are, when it’s time to be fed (although she has that yente-ish meow where she sounds like an old complaining woman from Boynton Beach), and she still poops like a motherfuckin’ pimp.

And that’s Fyona. The only pet I’ve ever had.

For now…

“List on the 3s” is … well, if you don’t know it by now, you’ll never, ever, ever know it.

Hey, everyone! What did you think of the Oscars last night? I assume you all watched the telecast, right?

Not me.

I mean, I watched a few snippets of it here and there, but it’s simply not something which I get into so much.  Don’t get me wrong — I certainly can understand why people watch them. I see some of the value in the cute, comedy sketches which involve some of the hottest stars of the silver screen. But to me, the entire four (five? six? eight?) hour experience is simply overrated. Believe me — I’ve tried it. I’ve been to an Oscar party or two. Simply not time spent well.

I decided to chronicle some experiences I’ve had (or at least tried) which might not be all that bad, but which I simply don’t think are the end-all, be-all of phenomena on this planet.  I know I’ll get quite a few disagreements with this list; feel free to disagree in the comments. Until then, I present you with:

Top 8 Things Which Don’t Impress Me So Much

8. Harry Potter

I’m married to someone who has all of the Harry Potter books — not only that, but she had to get the majority of them delivered on the release date.  I still haven’t ready more than a couple of pages of one volume.

Yes, I’ve seen the first two movies, and they were fun.  But I’m certainly not going to go into pure fanatic mode any time soon…

7. Coke vs. Pepsi

I can’t tell the difference. I can hardly even tell the difference between the diet and non-diet varieties. This will seem like pure sacrilige, especially if you’re from Atlanta.  But to me? Either one is fine. I don’t have a specific alliance.

In fact, *gasp* I’ve been knwn to buy store brand stuff…

6. Wearing a short-sleeved t-shirt over a long-sleeved thermal shirt

I don’t know who started the trend — who was the first one to say “you know, I’m feeling a bit cold and lazy. Why not, instead of taking off the shirt I’m wearing, I put a t-shirt over this one and hope nobody notices?”  I’d like to blame this fashion fad on Josh Hartnett if I could, but I really don’t know if I could legally hold him responsible.

Yeah. I’ve done it. You know how it feels on me? Tight. I simply don’t have the body for it. It certainly doesn’t give a slimming effect at all. I will admit, however, to wearing long-sleeved, knit henleys over a black t-shirt. In fact, I’m wearing one right now. I don’t know if someone out there on the Disney channel is doing the same thing and might make this popular, but if it does ride that way I guess I’ll move on quickly to something else to do with my shirts…

5. Space Mountain

I took my first trip to a Disney theme park when I was 14.

It was the summer before ninth grade, and my family and I went to Orlando to stay with some relatives and visit the Magic Kingdom and Epcot Center.  I had been to local amusement parks before and I had logged plenty of roller coaster experience. But from what I had heard, Space Mountain was the gold standard!  We waited for what seemed to be 10 minutes on the outside of the ride, thinking that the line was moving fast enough to let us board soon after. But then we got inside to where the hordes of people were. It was all dark. Lights-a-flashing. Meteors prokected onto the ceiling.

And then the lights went on.

When they did, we saw the track. We saw the technicians fixing part of the riser.  Everything which looked so speedy and flashy in the dark was no longer such a mystery. It was just a puny roller coaster of little significance. It was only exciting when it was dark and you couldn’t see well. It’s how I would imagine making out with Jeremy Piven would feel like.

We waited another 45 minutes before the line moved again and the lights were back off. The roller coaster experience? Not so hot.  I rode it again in 2001 and 2002 — just not so thrilling.

4. Sausage

I may not be worthy enough to include this on the list:  I haven’t had sausage in at least 25 years, and when I did I certainly didn’t have it for breakfast. (Hot dogs, as I recall, were just fine.)  I suppose that’s the thing about keeping kosher — you don’t really have meat for breakfast because of the separation of dairy and meat in our dietary laws. And with the whole milk and cereal thing, it makes for quite the segregated table.

I thought that sausage would taste as nice and clean cut as hot dogs, but they simply didn’t.  Maybe it was the hickory smokey flavor that simply didn’t do it for me.  It makes me wonder how people can eat the stuff with maple syrup.

(I’ve never eaten real bacon, so I must exclude bacon from this list. I know, I know. There are those of you who are sure that if I ever try the stuff, I’ll run off and marry it.)

3.  Bruce Springsteen

I knew a guy in high school named Bryan.  Ryan’s favorite song, at least for a while, was “Dancing In The Dark.” It was the first single off of the “Born in the USA” album which came out in the mid-80s, and he liked the song because he was supposed to like the song. I never understood the appeal for such a repetitive, muffled ditty. And it made me think that Bryan was incredibly stupid and made me want to punch him in the chin.

He’s good. He’s talented. He discovered Courtney Cox in his “Dancing in the Dark” video.  But I always felt that I was missing out on something. People lauded him as a musical hero –just another guy coming out of Asbury Park, NJ representing the common man.  I just thought that his songs — although not bad — sounded very much the same.

I still love “I’m On Fire” and get chills every time I hear it.  But I still feel that people make him out to be a legend that he isn’t.

2.  The NFL

I like football.  I loved going to ACC football games when I was at the University of Maryland — especially during my freshman year. For quite a few reasons:

(a) Byrd Stadium was well within stumbling distance of my dorm room

(b) Tickets were free

(c) I could go with a large group of my friends and sit together

(d) Our team was actually not so bad. (We went to the Independence Bowl that yea.)

It was a great way to watch the game:  it was all about teamwork. School spirit. An enthusiastic fan-base.  Relatively cheap alcohol at the tailgate parties.  There weren’t any real stars of the team who stood out, and that was okay. It was about the team, not individuals.

The NFL has taken that experience and sucked out anything not evil. Perhaps it’s because I live in a city with an awful football team with an owner who treats it better than it is.  The cost to go to a game nowadays is out of reach of most fans, yet the games continue to sell out week after week. It costs upwards of $30 to park your car and take a shuttle bus from a mall parking lot near the stadium!  And when you get inside? The game is less about teamwork and more about every player looking for his own glory moment.  And beer is like seven bucks.

I’ll take college football any day over the travesty that is the NFL.

1. The Sopranos

I’m going to make a lot of enemies on this one. And get whacked.  But I must say it anyway:

I don’t get why people thought this show was the best program ever broadcast.

Don’t get me wrong — it’s certainly a quality presentation. Moreso than Two and a Half Men or According to Jim. And maybe it’s because I didn’t watch the series from day 1. But I just didn’t respond to it the way that everyone else did. It’s as if I was missing something along the way.

And towards the end? It got really weird.  I won’t even go into that last scene of the last episode…

So — how about you? What’s out there that you’ve tried that hasn’t wowed you like it should?

“List on the 3s” is back after a short hiatus! Here’s the scoop: If there’s a calendar date with a 3 in it, then I provide some sort of list to the wonderful readership of this here blog.  It’s as simple as that.

Today marks a special occasion — an intersection between List on the 3s and another special meme of sorts as created by the lovely Hilly of Snackie’s World. It’s Friday the 13th, but I don’t think that enters into it at all. It’s all about love. Self love.

It’s a question you all have probably wondered in your heads about me:  Hey, Shiny — how do you, you know… get it on with your bad self? What transpires when you decide to become master of your own domain? Can you explain the techniques used when you feel the need for playing continuous games of proverbial Minesweeper? Well, this being self-love day, I feel that I just might be obligated to tell you. For me, it’s really more about the state of mind than anything else. The stimuli around need not be overtly pornographic in nature — in fact, I feel more grooved by something more imaginative than the cookie-cutter images and sounds which the adult entertainment industry has had to offer as of late. It all begins with a heightened sense of awareness. Perhaps focusing on the sweet, sweet scent of spring outside an open window after a rainstorm. Or even the cool breeze of the air conditioning as it sweeps by my uncovered neck. Just calmly and carefully closing my eyes, focusing on the subtle yet sensual caress of my receptors. It’s at that point that I begin to run my own fingertips over my arms, my neck, perhaps even my earlobes — concentrating on the way my breathing has suddenly become deeper in response. It’s only then that I recline slowly, making sure that my body has full access to itself while I descend into a wonderful mode of relaxation and self-exploration. I then introduce a special massage gel which smells faintly of blueberries and peach cobbler, a gel which slides smoothly all over my shoulders, down my stomach and right to the to

No, it’s not that kind of self-love. To quote the Hilly:

No more “how much do I love thees”… rather ask yourself the question, “how much do I love ME?”  Even if you have someone on this special day, take the time to think about yourself, list your good qualities, have some positive perspective on who you are and treat yourself better than you ever have.  This is a day to pamper yourself, be happy with who you are and declare yourself free from wondering if he went to Jared!

So here’s how it works: I posted my “self-love” banner atop this blog entry. If you click it, you’ll be transported to Self-Love headquarters at Hilly’s blog — where you can find others who have declared this wonderful day and their roles in it as an overused cliche from a Divinyls song.  The participants declare something wonderful about themselves — and then open the comments section to guests who also want to join in the fun and declare what they like about the person celebrating the day.

But hey — it’s not called “One thing on the 3s!” There has to be a list involved! Thus — I’m breaking protocol and telling you a few more things about me of which I simply can’t get enough.

Top 7 Reasons Shiny Thinks Shiny is Awesome

7. Before there was Google Maps or MapQuest, there was Shiny. Especially in the DC area — I could (still can!) give you directions to almost anywhere. I know the main interstate highways in the USA.  I can rattle off each of the New Jersey Turnpike exits. I just process directions in a hyper-kickass way.

6. Chances are I can fix your computer and/or network connection. People have always seemed to gravitate to me for all things technical. It began in school when I was one of the few kids who knew how to properly hook up one of the VCRs to a TV on one of those big audio-visual carts. From there, it was only a matter of time before I carried around my own ProDOS floppy disk to help people with their Apple ][ computer programs.  I learned UNIX in college — it was a prerequisite in 1990 to get email.  And I can subnet without a reference sheet.

5. I’m good at moving very heavy things. This comes from being a pretty big guy who, although not in the best tip-top shape, can certainly put his weight behind an object and make it go.

4. I’m a great singer. I wouldn’t say that I’m the next American Idol or anything. (Well, perhaps I could be the next Taylor Hicks. But that still might be setting the bar too low.) I’ve been the lead in a few musicals in my time. I’ve served as a hired cantor for the Jewish High Holidays in two different countries.  I would say that my voice is my best instrument. An instrument I play ever-so-gingerly.

3. I can install WordPress blogs from scratch. This is a recent expertise — but one I’m proud of nonetheless. If you have webspace, a MySQL database and FTP access — I can get the latest version of WordPress up and running in no time.  I’m sure that’s probably a marketable skill somewhere…

2. I have awesome hair. Fun story: My hair used to be straight and a whole lot lighter. When I was 12 or so, my hair started to get darker and wavy/curly almost overnight. People at school asked me if I had gotten a perm — something really fun to get asked when you’re a self-conscious, hormonal pre-teen trying to cope with physical changes to his body. But you know what? The hair has been pretty wonderful. Ive grown it long a few times in my life — most recently getting it cut for Locks of Love this past September.  At this writing my hair is still intact and mostly black. Not bad for a guy in his late 30s…

1.  I’m a damn good satirist. Don’t believe me? Look at my recent Plagiarism Week ’09 entries.  Go back to my old blog and see my retrospective of the twenty-year anniversary of my blog I celebrated in 2005.

So — that’s how utterly uber-cool I am. Now it’s your turn! Show the love!

“List on the 3s” is my own personal meme which takes place on any calendar date which has a 3 in it. On those days, I write a list of some sort and post it to my blog.

Today is a different story — as there is no “3″ in 26. However, if you add up the digits, you get 8. Which is a multiple of 3. (Almost.) And besides — this week being “Plagiarism Week ’09″ and all, I’m going to miss two consecutives lists on the 3s. So I’ll make it up now. Think of this as they very special episode of Frasier that NBC aired on a random Monday night during sweeps. Except with no Niles.

I’m a televisioholic. That I cannot deny. I love the magic picture box. And I admit — I spend far too much time in front of it.  I have had favorite shows in the past, many of which I have watched in full. Some of them I’ve watched every episode sequentially as they aired (Alias), and some have been discoveries after their air date (Wings).

But then there are shows that some people can’t get enough of — shows that, for whatever reason, I haven’t watched a single episode in full. I’m keeping this list to shows which have already aired their entire run; that’s why you won’t see a masterpiece (*cough*) like Two and a Half Men on this list. Perhaps I’ll wise up and track with that show before the series finale.

Top 6 TV Shows of which Shiny has never seen a full episode

6.  JAG

A few years back I had made a joke about JAG — that I simply didn’t know anyone who watched the show – so there must obviously be no viewers at all! But then I found out that a lot of people watched it. Like my in-laws.  And other people in their mid 50s and early 60s.  And military folks — they couldn’t get enough of the show.

I read about it online tonight: I knew that the first season was on NBC before it was picked up by CBS, but did you know that this show ran for ten seasons? Ten seasons?!? And apparently it was quite good!

I still don’t quite know what it’s about. I know what JAG stands for, but from the uniforms they’re wearing I can only assume it’s a Love Boat type incarnation.

5. Murder She Wrote

My fondest memories of this show had to do with my Mom.  She never really loved television all that much; she was content with watching the MacNeil/Lehrer NewsHour and be done with it.  But there were two shows that she really took to. One of them was “Murder She Wrote.”  A nice mystery show about an author. Tame enough  for an audience who wanted murder but not gory murder. The timeslot worked well, too: on Sunday evenings when my brother and I had to do our homework, this show was enough to drive us right away from the TV for being as bland as it was.

The other show she loved, by the way, was Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman. She was a serious fan! So much so that she joined the Usenet newsgroup alt.fan.lois-n-clark and became quite active in the community — to the extent where she and the supporting characters would email each other.  Not a bad feat…

4. Joan of Arcadia

Yes. Count me in as one of the pervy guys who thought that Amber Tamblyn was hot when the show came out (although she was already 18 when the series went to air).  Guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty.

Aside from that? I’ve got nothing. But people say that it was an amazing show…

Oh — by the way? So far all of these shows were on CBS.  Does it mean that CBS makes quality shows? Or that CBS just cancels a lot of good shows? You be the judge…

3. Firefly

Not a CBS show — but still one I didn’t ever see. I suppose I have an excuse; it only lasted for about twelve episodes. But they made a movie out of it! (A movie I still haven’t yet seen.) What’s up with that, Shiny?

You know — I just read a synopsis of the show so I could write about it — and I really had no idea about it.  This show is right up my alley!  Looks like I’m going to need to buy me a new boxed set…

2. The Wire

I don’t know anything about the cast of this HBO show.  We no longer subscribe to HBO; I was looking at eventually tracking with this show for one reason and one reason only: it takes place in Baltimore, not too far away from home for me.

But it doesn’t just take place there; it’s filmed there — in the same spirit as Barry Levinson’s Homicide: Life of the Street. I loved the reality of Baltimore which was delivered by Homicide.  The locations were authentic (unlike, for instance, Jack Bauer’s version of Washington, DC in 24). Apparently The Wire is more of the same, but even grittier.  This might also become a DVD rental for me…

1. Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Never watched an episode. Hell, even my mother-in-law has watched most of the series! There’s obviously something very wrong with me…

———-

Stay tuned tomorrow — when I open the doors to:

I think it’s going to be a lot of fun.  I apologize in advance that I simply can’t plagiarize all of you; that would likely mean there would have to be an entire plagiarism year.  And that would just be silly (unless you’re USA Today).

List on the 3s returns on February 3, 2009.

“List on the 3s” is a meme — a word, which, by the way, comes from the Senegali word “maoemoeae” meaning “that which serves as a template for writings on the bark of sour acacia trees.”  In true etymological form, I am actually going to cut down some of these rare trees the moment I get to Senegal, after which time I’ll use their branches to make a large “3.”  Or, if there aren’t any curvy branches, just the roman numerals III.

Anyway, there’s something to do with a list on any day that happens to have a 3 in it.  Hence the whole notion of a meme. Exciting, no?

There was a story on the news I heard as I was driving into work this morning.  In the Washington, DC area, there has not been much of a flu outbreak in Maryland or the District proper. However, Virginia has been hit relatively hard. Of course, this isn’t really as dire as it could be. Not a huge epidemic of massive proportions. Just people getting sick.

But hey — doesn’t affect me! I had a flu shot back in October! And besides — I’m feeling just fine!  Not like the people at work who… um… have been sneezing and coughing their heads off! In my nice Newtork Operations Center which has… well, lots of people working in close proximity…

I started to feel the dull headache around 1:30 or so today. It got to the point that I just felt incredibly ugh around 4 or so. The drive home was not fun.

I can’t be sick! I have stuff to do tomorrow! In public places! And I’m hanging out with my Dad on Sunday! Not a good time, germs! Totally not cool!

I took some sudafed a few hours ago.  This was after a good non-stop sneezing session which I had for about twenty minutes.  I suppose the medication has helped me out a bit.  But there are probably other things which have, historically, done a better job for me.   These are the things that comfort me enough to help me heal to a level of… well, think Claire from “Heroes.”  Except that I don’t look nearly as good in the cheerleader outfit.

Top 6 Flu Remedies

6. Miso soup. I don’t know what it is about miso specifically, but it does wonders for me. When they come out with prescription strength miso, I’ll be the first in line with a forged scrip from my “doctor.”

5. Shower. This should be relatively obvious.  I usually shower first thing in the morning. But when I’m sick? A shower in the evening helps immensely. However, there are two constants: (a) the shower has to remain at an extremely high pressure against my chest. Not too hot, just warm. As long as I can stand there for a few minutes, I should be good. (b) The towel I use to dry off has to be friggin huge. It’s that whole cocoon feeling, I guess…

4. Back issues of Entertainment Weekly. This does wonders. Especially if they’re several months old. And that way the big article about how huge a movie like Bedtime Stories or whatever the Adam Sandler vehicle is — well, it feels like you’re playing all-omniscient in a way. All-omniscient is a prime state required to combat the flu.

3. Futurama. Gotta watch Futurama. Any episode. It’s even better if it’s already on TV and I don’t have to get up and change the DVD.

2. Adding someone peripheral as a Facebook friend. Maybe it’s a self-conscious thing — but feeling like there’s another friend out there  does the trick for me. And with the whole “People You May Know” tool? If you’ve ever been in the same state as somebody (or, I suppose, in the same platoon), and they recognize your name or something, then it just makes you feel that much better.  If you feel better, you get better. Even if it’s because of someone you happened to stand next to in line to get Kylie Minogue tickets.

1. The hot/cold sleeping arrangement. This is a fun craziness I’ve got. I must be the correct proportion of hot and cold at any given moment. Which means I must sleep with as few clothes on as possible. But, and this is simply a maybe depending on how feverish I am, possibly socks.   Furthermore, I need to be wrapped in some sort of blanket or quilt.  And the fan has to be on.  It’s even better if I’ve just been showering and my hair is still wet.

Why does this help? Haven’t the faintest. But it does.

I suppose Sudafed should be on the list as well. But it’s not clinically proven to really help all that much, right?

List on the 3s: a list of some sort. On a day which contains the number 3.  The lists can be anything: laundry lists, comedic lists, even bullet points musing Shiny’s life. Sometimes they make sense; sometimes they’re just so incredibly bizarre that you just “huh?” over them.

Today’s list is one of those.

It is estimated by some that almost 1 out of every 100 residents of the United States will be descending on Washington, DC a week from today for the Inauguration of our 44th president.  Life in the Washington Metropolitan Region is crowded enough, but it appears that we’re in for a real, jam-packed, hell of a time next Tuesday. Which will actually be useful if the temperatures are well below freezing.

Hopefully I will spend the day far, far away from the hoopla in the Nation’s Capital.  Which, I suppose, is a shame. I won’t be watching democracy in action as the eighth US president of my lifetime is sworn in.  But many more folks will. Folks from all over this country of ours. Some, even, from the far reaches of this planet which most of us call home.

It’s rather likely that most of them will be staying in certain outlying suburbs of Washington, DC.  Fun places with fun names that are usually only uttered by DC area residents. But next week? These names are fair game for anyone to butcher.  I’m just providing a preview of what we might hear by those capturing history with their eyes and blabbing extensively with their mouths.

Note: You may think that I’m specifically picking on the NY/NJ folks through this list. You may think that it’s a cheap shot; that the variety of accents in the tri-state area are simply easy enough to imagine as over the top. If so — yeah. That’s pretty much it.  Don’t get me wrong; I love New York. It’s a wonderful town. I used to live in New Jersey.  I kid because I love.

Top 9 DC Area Place Names Which Sound Funny When Said With a Wacky New York/New Jersey Accent

9. Seat Pleasant                               

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8.  Seven Corners                            

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7. Foggy Bottom                             

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6. Newington                                    

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5. Upper Marlboro                         

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4. Anacostia                                      

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3. Grosvenor                                    

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2. Fairfax Station                           

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1. Bowie                                             

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List on the 3s lives!  If it’s a date with a 3 in it, it’s a list from Shiny.

Just because I didn’t do a recap of 2008 doesn’t mean I need to steer clear of the Resolutions and Goals people often make at the beginning of the new year…

Oh — and remember: these are just suggestions. I hope to fulfil all of them. If I don’t? Well, nobody’s perfect.  I can only do the best I can.

My Top 8 Resolutions/Goals for 2009

8. I will have no Christmas decorations still up by the end of this weekend.

(cc) Amber Rhea - http://flickr.com/photos/amberlrhea/

Don’t you hate it when neighbors simply procrastinate to no end and, by the time it’s 90 degrees out, there’s still a nativity scene baking in the hot sun? Or tho Christmas lights on a timer which come on when there’s still a good four hours of sunlight left? Wholly inappropriate. I will not be one of those people this year. Come tomorrow evening — not a Christmas light or decoration on the exterior of my house. And inside? Not even a stray pine needle.

True — this may be slightly easier for me since, as a Jew, I don’t celebrate Christmas, nor do I have any Christmas decorations to start with.  But I feel that I should start off small-scale and give myself an easy task out of the gate.

7.  I will [do my best to] post every single day.

This is a far loftier goal than #8.  And I’ve noticed that once things in my life get busier — the blog becomes neglected. That being said — I want to get to as close to 365 posts in 2009 as possible.  Some of them may not be very long. My Lists on the 3s certainly will be whacked down in size.  But at least there will be some sort of consistency — which will allow people to not wonder if I’ve fallen off the face of the Earth.

Of course — I can promise you that I’ll likely include more pre-made memes and enlist guest bloggers. Be warned: I’ll be whining for volunteers when things get busy…

6.  I will break up with either “24″ or “Heroes” in 2009. This is a tough one: I’ve loved both shows since their inceptions.  I’m still interested in their respective storylines, and there are even some wonderful new developments that interest me more this year.  With “24″ being centered locally (in Washington, DC), will the show speak more to me? And with some sneaky spoilers by a “Heroes” castmember I happen to follow on Twitter, I’m intrigued by some of the new ideas for this year — also by the rumored return of Bryan Fuller to the writing staff.

However — and it really pains me to say this — both shows have really treated me like poop lately. This past Fall I simply watched Heroes to see if it it would get any better. Week after week I found the answer to be no. And “24″ — it’s just not the same without Jack Bauer’s daughter running through the woods and getting eaten by a bear.

Then again — I’m certainly not against dropping “Lost” if it starts getting too weird. I’m reminded of a wonderful television show, “Alias,” which started out so beautifully and then started to suck so hard — but I watched every single excrutiating episode to see what would happen at the end.

I’m just happy that I’ve already broken up with CSI:Miami.

5.  I will take at least one leisurely bike ride in 2009. This one might seem pretty straightfoward and easy. I mean — one bike ride? Shouldn’t be so tough, right?

Well no — until you factor in two shockin truths:

(a) I do not presently own a bicycle.

(b) in my 36 years on this planet, I have never learned to ride a bike.

Some of you may be wondering how the hell that happened. Others are probably engaged in sighs of relief. Because you know — no bike = no bike shorts. And there’s an image we can do without.

But it boils down to this: my son is six years old. I want to buy him a proper bike and teach him how to ride. And if he gets one, I get one. Granted, I’ll be the one with the training wheels.  But by the end of the summer? I’m hoping we can both ride.

4. I will stay the hell out of Washington, DC on January 20 when our next president is inaugurated. I’m usually a pretty political person. Living in this city will do that to you. However, I’m happy to announce that I do have work that day — and my son will be one of the few in the area who has school that day.  That’s fine by me!  The expected crowds, gridlock and road closures will want me to be as far away from the Capitol as possible.

My commute will certainly be a bitch that day, though…

3.  As much as my friends might attempt to coerce me to do so — usually with the usual “We’re all doing it!” peer pressure tactics that usually get to me year after year, I resolve not to get a clit piercing in 2009.  If this makes me a total prude, so be it.

2. I will sing karaoke in 2009. Haven’t done it since 2006, haven’t done it before that one inebriated evening, either.  I’m not going to promise this, but if any of my loyal readers are with me when there is an opportunity to do karaoke to a Terence Trent d’Arby song of your choice — I will. No questions asked.  Respect always to the T-T-d to the apostrophe A…

1.  I will give up on saying “Awww Yeah” in 2009.

This one will likely be the most difficult to keep. I use Awww Yeah as a crutch of sorts.   I suppose I felt I could do it for the comedic value — primarily after it was made acceptable by the likes of Barry and Lavon.  But I think it’s time for me to stop saying this repeatedly when there’s simply nothing else left to say.

Which sucks because I sound so damn good saying it! Have a listen:

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I did, however, grant myself a smooth, cool replacement for Awww Yeah. I was thinking to myself: what exudes the same confirmation and acknowledgement in such a non-chalant way? What phrase could I use which allows me to be responsive but ultra-slick and hyper-savvy?

And I figured out that there was only one word that would work. And it was a word that deserved repeating.

So — my new phrase for 2009 is Right right.

I’ve recorded a sample of me uttering this newest phrase for you as well:

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Hopefully I’ll get a bit better as time goes by.

Happy New Year to all. I wish you the best with your goals and resolutions for 2009.

List on the 3s — if a day has a 3 in it, I write a list. Get it? Got it? Good.

As I mentioned yesterday, I’ve been seeing a lot of year-end recaps of the best and worst of everything somehow connected to the Internets.  It’s especially interesting to see people reflect on their own lives throughout all of 2008 — especially those whose blogs I haven’t read very carefully. All I need to do is wait until the last few days of the year and watch them summarize th important plot points, and *Boom!* I’m all caught up.  As someone who doesn’t blog nearly as regularly as I should, I felt that summarizing 2008 in a list for me would be a tad unfair to you, the Shiny’s Takeout viewers and listeners.*  Especially since I started blogging here well into 2008 — how could I summarize something which, according to the vantage point of the Shiny’s Takeout universe, hasn’t happened?

But I realized I could do something better a retrospective not of this year, but rather of this day in my life.  Hopefully you’ll join me and look back alongside me as I think back to the high points and low points that were December 31, 2008. (Or at least the day so far. There’s still a few more hours left to go.) And that, today, will be my List on the 3s.

Top 8 Momentous Moments of December 31, 2008

Personally, I think December 31, 2008 will be a day to remember due to the many ways that my life was affected during those glorious 24 hours. Remembering back to the beginning of the day — it’s hard to believe that gas prices were as high as $1.57  –quite a hike compared to the $1.55 I saw driving home today!  Remember the wacky articles in the newspaper about the rejected cease-fire in Gaza? About Blagojevich’s pick for the vacant Illinois Senate seat?  And throughout the day more news occurred: We saw Paris Hilton talk about a shopping trip in Australia. And how about that Dow Jones? Up today from yesterday! There was also an extra second added to the day at around 7:00pm Eastern.

It was certainly a day of days.  Here are some of the things that happened to me:

8. Free pizza at work!

Because, you know, it’s New Year’s Eve.  One of the supervisors got some pies delivered from Papa Johns for those of us who were working there. I had a slice of plain cheese.  Free pizza is yummy.



7. I was up to date this evening.

I did a random check to make sure that everything was in order. To ensure that I was totally prepared in every way. To be absolutely certain that no new surprises were lurking behind a corner ready to get me.

And you know what? Everything was in its proper place. And I could breathe a sigh of relief.

6. I made the decision to wear my red Maryland sweatshirt this morning.

Working in a relatively casual environment is nice — especially when it’s the day before New Year’s and you can pretty much get away wearing whatever you want.  And today it was Terrapin red.  For a very good reason: Maryland reigned victorious at the Humanitarian Bowl in Boise, ID last night, beating Nevada 42-35.

I didn’t watch a single moment of the Bowl game. But I wanted to — the artificial turf on the field is actually blue, and passing birds often mistake it for a lake. So that would have been fun to watch. Except for the fact that it was a very obscure bowl game.

Yay Maryland!



5.  I shopped at the supermarket on the way home from work — and used one of those handheld scanner things!

I was one of those people who thought “self-checkout” at the grocery store was neat. But this! This was something extraordinary.  You see — you can now walk into the supermarket and scan your “bonus card” and get one of these handheld scanners which you take with you as you shop. Before you drop something in the cart, you scan it.  You keep on doing this until you’re done. Then, when you get to one of those special checkout lanes, you simply check out in a breeze because everything’s already been scanned.  It saves a lot of time and energy!

In theory.

I seemed to trip the system in two ways:  I scanned my bonus card before I scanned the “finished” bar code at the check-out station, which apparently is too much for the scanner to handle, so everything had to be reset. And then — it flipped out on me when I tried to purchase alcohol and no human was there to check my ID. Keep in mind that this is one of the busiest supermarkets in  the area — usually a 24/7 store which was closing down within the hour for the holiday. By the time I finished there were a good seven people in line behind me. Oops…

But hey! Smirnoff Ice. Green apple flavored.



4. I taught my co-worker what “REO Speedwagon” is.

I sit next to a wonderful guy named Mitchell. Mitchell was born in the mid-1980s –and it’s been interesting seeing the world through his eyes as a young man coming of age in the world of December 31, 2008. Since things at work were lighter and more casual than usual, he started playing some music — which I didn’t mind. It was Coldplay’s “Yellow” album.  But soon after, his tastes changed a bit. He fired up YouTube and started playing “Smells Like Teen Spirit” by Nirvana.

It was then that he asked me if I had heard of Nirvana. (!)  I told him I had. He made some reference that Kurt Cobain was his generation’s John Lennon. (I was surprised that he knew who John Lennon was.)

I also told him, in a joking manner, that I really disliked Nirvana — because they changed the landscape of MTV in the early 1990s.  had it not been for Nirvana, grunge would not have caught on nearly as quickly — and we’d still be listening to bands such as Poison, Warrant, Winger, Color Me Badd and REO Speedwagon.

He then asked me that holy grail of questions: What or who is REO Speedwagon?

And I directed him to this YouTube video, warning him that he would probably hate it, but to give it a chance for at least 30 seconds.

Direct YouTube Link

And you know what? Something magical happened. Mitchell did, indeed, listen to the first 30 seconds of “Roll With the Changes,” every over-enunciated word.  And then he turned it off and asked me if I had heard of “Rage Against the Machine.”

Good times…



3. Dan B. confirmed me as a friend on Facebook.

This may not mean very much to many of you — and that’s because you probably don’t know Dan.  Nice guy. Went to elementary school all the way throughout high school with the guy.  He made his way to Duke Law School, but I don’t even hold that against him.  He has three adorable kids, and his parents are wonderful people who were very hospitable to my family when my mom died. I haven’t seen Dan since 1992, but that’s okay. Because we’re Facebook friends and nothing can come between us. Oh — I remember that we used to make fun of his mom’s accent a lot. Guess that was kind of mean of us…



2. My kid greeted me at the door when I got home, gave me a big hug, looked at me funny, asked what that sound was, confused us both, and told me that it was just me farting.

I think this one stands on its own without needing any further explanation.



1. It was really, really, really windy outside.

If anyone asks “What do you remember the most about December 31, 2008?” I think anyone and everyone in the Washington, DC area would come up with the same answer: “Huh?” But if someone were to remind them about the wind, well — it would certainly not be dismissed.

We just simply haven’t had as fierce winds for at least two weeks now. The past two days, in fact, the temperature was well into the 60s. Today the area was plagued with power outages due to tree limbs snapping and falling on electrical lines. There’s a junction close to us called “Seven Corners” where one smart-ass decided, 150 years ago, to have seven roads come together at one intersection. Seven.  Because life wasn’t difficult enough. Anyway, power was out at that large-scale intersection at Seven Corners. Do you really think that people would voluntarily treat this as a seven-way stop?

Apparently the wind was so bad that it knocked the “U” off of the USA Today building here in Northern Virginia. Crews continue to work on repairinit because they don’t want to have it say “SA Today” for longer than they need to.

Anyway — it was windy. And cold. Still is, in fact.  All we need now is some snow…

Well, that’s my take on December 31, 2008. I hope your day was wonderful as well. I wish you the best for a happy and healthy January 1, 2009!

___

* The podcast version of Shiny’s Takeout should be available in mid-2010.

“List on the 3s” is my regular feature on which I create for you, the avid reader, a list of some sort on any day which happens to have a 3 in it.  I missed December 23. There. I said it. I was very, very, very busy.  Still am, actually. Which is why this list will not contain much original material.

Over the past few days, all I’ve seen throughout the blogosphere and the rest of the Internets have been lists. Recaps. Bullet points. People are giving us their summaries of the year 2008 in so many different ways.  You can find out what the best DVD release of the year was! Or the dumbest political quote! How about the zaniest groomed dog of the year?  No matter where you look — there’s your list dealing with 2008.

I won’t be doing such a list today. Instead, I’m going to give you the #3 position on many of these lists I’ve gleaned off the ‘Net.  Enjoy…

List on the 3s: 3 on the Lists

* Wired Science’s #3 Most Popular Story of 2008: Bolt is Freaky Fast, But Nowhere Near Human Limits. It’s a story about Usain Bolt — the latest fastest man on Earth who ran the 100 meter dash in 9.69 seconds. But apparently he’s still a slacker when you compare him to the potential of homo sapien…

*RedNet.cn’s #3 Top Trend in Publishing in China: Academic books published during the Republic of China years are being “re-discovered” en masse, ranging from literature, history and all branches of social sciences. This represents a restoration of the missing link caused by political and cultural schism. (Source: http://english.rednet.cn/c/2008/12/30/1676701.htm)

* Trendhunter’s #3 Top Trend in Architecture for 2008: 7 Floors and 7 Stars Below Sea Level. A luxury hotel is opening in 2010 off the coast of Istanbul (not Constantinople) which is deep below sea level.  Really pretty pictures.  Worth a look…

* The Rap Up’s 3rd Most Disappointing Rap Album of 2008: Lil’ Wayne – Tha Carter III. Hey — I’m guilty of not having listened to this album — or anything by Lil’ Wayne. When did “Lil’” become the rap name of choice, by the way? It used to be “MC” — Young MC, MC Hammer, MC Lyte, MC Search, MCA, etc.  And now? Lil’ Wayne, Lil’ Jon, Lil’ Bow Wow… Even Lil’ Kim must be pushing fifty by now!  I guess it’s just a sign that I’m getting old. Or big. Whatever. (Source:  http://therapup.uproxx.com/2008/12/the-best-rap-albums-mixtapes-songs-of-2008.html)

* CakeSpy’s #3 Most Delicious Bakery Experience of 2008: Carrot cake from Baker Boys, Asbury Park, NJ. I haven’t even read the article in full yet I feel compelled to include a picture:

Yum. I seriously need to start reading this blog. (Source: http://www.cakespy.com/2008/12/totally-sweet-our-25-most-delicious.html)

* Steve Murrell’s #3 Person Who Died in 2008: Chess Grandmaster Bobby Fischer. To quote Mr. Murrell’s list: “Cause of death: kidney failure.  Claim to fame: Amr chess player – celebrated the 911 terrorist attacks. Comment: smart guy – sad life.”  (Source: http://stevemurrell.typepad.com/my_weblog/2008/12/tues-top-10-list-people-who-died-in-2008.html)

* Digicam Review’s #3 Budget Camera of 2008: The FujiFilm FinePix F40fd.

I’m sure this is no surprise to many of you.  At least those of you who look for the #3 cameras every year… (Source: http://www.digicamreview.com/2008/11/top-5-budget-digital-cameras.html)

* #3 Album of the Year According to a Blogger Named Landon: Fleet Foxes. Apparently they’re a hip, artsy, new, indie, folk band. From Seattle, of all places!  Considering that I found this blog and this #3 entry completely at random, I was pleasantly surprised that I enjoyed the YouTube clip below of an appearance of theirs on Letterman. have a look…

Direct YouTube Link

(Source: http://talkalotsaynothing.blogspot.com/2008/12/top-10-albums-of-2008.html)

* Gay Fleshbot’s #3 Crush Object of 2008: RJ Danvers. I’m not going to include a picture right here, but you can probably find it if you so desire. I have to admit — the guy’s a bit hairy for a porn star. But apparently, per his bio, he enjoys comic books!  So.., there’s that. (Source: http://gay.fleshbot.com/5120429/gay-fleshbots-top-ten-crush-objects-of-2008. WARNING! NSFW (Not Safe For Work). (Unles, of course, your work has something to do with nake male porn stars in the upright and locked position.)

* Spike TV’s #3 “MANswer” of 2008: Actually — here’s the question that is MANswered: What’s the deadliest weapon a prisoner can hide up his ass?” Want to know? Watch the video here: http://www.spike.com/blog/top-ten-manswers-of/71962?page=2&numPerPage=1

* #3 Archaeological Discovery Related to the Bible of 2008: New discoveries at the Tomb of King Herod the Great. To quote: The tomb was discovered and identified in 2007, but on-going excavation in 2008 revealed additional coffins, including one that may belong to one of Herod’s wives and another to one of his sons.  They also found a theater that sat 750 people and included a VIP room with beautiful wall paintings.  All of this further confirms the previous identification that Herod’s tomb was located on the slope of the Herodium.

Finally! Confirmation that Herod’s Tomb was located on the Herodium! We can finally breathe a sigh of relief that the Herodium was named correctly. Imagine the embarrassment if Herod was buried on a slope called the Richardium. Someone would have a lot of explaining to do… (Source: http://blog.bibleplaces.com/2008/12/top-8-of-2008-archaeological.html)

Hope you had a wonderful 2008 full of recaps and bullet points. Here’s wishing for a memorable and listworthy 2009…