Hi all — sorry for such a late post. I know that many of you are used to finding the answers to last week smack dab at 12:00am EDT. My apologies for those of you who are going through 19+ hours of withdrawal.
So — let’s hop to it!
1. What’s the correct spelling of your name?
Big S, small h, small i, big N, small y, and a star.
This is how Sara Jessica Parker’s character spelled her name in L.A. Story.
2. Tell me about your parents. What do you feel were some of the challenges in living with them?
It felt like I was alone in a world so cold. Perhaps I was too demanding of them, but my father always seemed too bold, and my mother was never satisfied. We always screamed at each other.
The lyrics are paraphrased from Prince’s #1 hit, When Doves Cry from the Purple Rain soundtrack.
3. And what about your older brother? Did you two get along well?
I always have to cover for him. I prefer the company of my twin sister and my little brother, Buster.
These are Michael Bluth’s siblings on Arrested Development.
4. Where did you put your son’s crib when he came home from the hospital as a newborn?
In the center of the room. Not in the corner.
Nobody puts baby in a corner! So said Patrick Swayze’s character in Dirty Dancing.
5. What kind of vehicle do you drive?
An old vintage Cadillac. With a Grateful Dead decal stuck on it.
This comes from Don Henley’s 1984 hit, The Boys of Summer.
6. Have you had any car trouble lately?
I have. Turns out that there was a banana stuck up my tailpipe.
It’s how Eddie Murphy’s Axel Foley character disabled the car following him in Beverly Hills Cop. (And yes, it was referenced in the Clerks cartoon series where Judge Reinhold guest starred — alluding to the movie.)
7. How do you feel about organ donation?
I’m all for it. When I die, I’m donating my eyes to Stevie Wonder.
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.
8. Do you play a musical instrument?
I’m in a Police cover-band.
I was talking about Kevin on The Office — whose cover band is called Scrantonicity II. (It has nothing to do with his old band, Scrantonicity.)
9. What do you feel is the best attribute of women in general?
Their willingness to do the dishes, clean up my room, do the laundry, the bathroom, etc.
This was a tough one — but these are attributes listed in the Beastie Boys’ song Girls.
10. Do you have any pets?
We have this adorably cute animal with three eyes and a ravenous appetite.
Although The Simpsons has a cute trademark three-eyed fish, I was talking about Nibbler, the cute three-eyed, um… Nibblonian on Futurama.
11. Shiny, are you homophobic? Do you have something against gay people?
Not at all! Actually, some of my best friends are gay! Take, for instance, Mark “Cutback” Davis and Bob “Jungle Vet” Gerard. Those guys are fags!
Thank you all for not Googling these two guys’ names. If you had, you would have seen that the line came right from Fast Times at Ridgemont High. (And kudos for those of you who got it, too.)
12. I heard about your uncle, the famous defense attorney. Is he any good?
He’s very good. He uses 52% of his brain. Clocked…
Another very tough one — it’s from a pretty amazing and funny movie called Defending Your Life.
13. Hey — can I snatch a Pepsi from your fridge?
It ain’t free, pal. If you want it; you’ll have to pay for it…
It was a now anachronistic line about an anachronism from Back to the Future when Marty asks for a Pepsi Free back in 1955. Try asking for one of those today…
14. What would you do with a million dollars?
Two chicks at the same time.
This was Dietrich Bader’s character’s answer in Office Space.
15. Do you ever blog anonymously? How would I know it’s you?
I guess it’s the purple prose that always gives me away…
OOOOH! It’s EMF’s Unbelievable.
As for the winner of the Strait-Line Rolling Tape: There were 96 correct answers. I went to my local Fed-Ex Kinkos and printed numbers 1 through 96 on some 20 lb. 11″x17″ sky blue cardstock, using a thermal laser printer/plotter at the store. I then carefully laminated each card twice — in order to preserve each number printed in a legible san-serif font.
At that point I folded each piece of cardstock in half, widthwise. I went to the party store next door and purchased a very, very large novelty hat which could hold 96 big pieces of cardstock. I carefully placed the cardstock tickets in the hat, folded and with numbers obscured.
I then connected with a very prestigious, DC area escort service which caters to the Capitol Hill community. I hired Jenna, a 5’7″ redhead with an athletic, natural body, to meet me at an upscale hotel room in the DC suburbs. After paying her honorarium, I blindfolded her (which, apparently, was $50 extra) and had her choose one of the 96 numbered pieces of cardstock in the oversized hat.
She chose number 21 and then quickly left. The entire ordeal, including printing, purchases at the party store, hotel reservation and “entertainment fees,” cost me $776.54. And it was all to ensure that our winner, the one assigned to #21, would be chosen fairly, randomly and with class.
The winner is Nat! Congratulations — I’ll be in touch to get your address and, of course, bill you the $776.54 as a “choosing fee.”