List on the 3s: Top 7 Things Shiny Has Learned on his Florida Trip

“List on the 3s” is a meme like no other! Instead of asking the hard hitting questions like “What car did you drive in high school?” this meme delves into the complex and intellectual realm: If there’s a three in the date, I produce a list. Except when I don’t.

Greetings from sunny Florida!  I arrived yesterday for “Shiny Happy Hillypalooza” where I’m visiting newly transplanted Floridian Hilly and have gathered with others in the area — including Avitable, Faiqa and Clown.  The beginning of our day was spent in an old-town district in central Florida shopping for doilies and stuff. Well, not exactly doilies.  But the old town district of the main drag of town nonetheless. I’m a big fan of such places — especially in a region which is less familiar to me.

And then — yesterday evening we all went out to dinner followed by a fun evening of playing games which are far more fun when inebriated. All in all, it’s been a great weekend thus far.

But through all of this wonderful weekend vacation, I’ve decided to learn a few things.  There are two reasons for this:  First, I like to think of every experience as a potential learning experience.  Where else is a better place to attain knowlegde than playground Earth? Secondly, if I document what I’ve learned on this trip, there’s a slight chance that my documented research could get a grant and funding. Which would help me pay for booze. And, apparently, a bathroom I destroyed in a drunken rage.*

So — we’re off!  Never been to Central Florida? Here’s your guide…

Top 7 Things I Have Learned on my Florida Trip

7.  You’re never too old to wear a sleeveless t-shirt. I learned this on our smalltown journey.  The look is much better when you’re sporting tattoos which which are throwbacks to the Nixon administration.

6. There’s some sort of surgical convention at Orlando International Airport. My flight left the DC area at about 7:00 yesterday morning. Everyone looked and acted normal. But then — when I arrived in Florida? I saw lots of people wearing surgical masks of some sort! It was amazing — some of these folks looked like entire families — all wearing the masks! One family had a child prodigy, no more than three years old, being pushed in a stroller yet proudly wearing the badge of surgical prowess!  I simply didn’t know that the folks in town are the gifted elite…

5. I now know how to play the game “Apples to Apples.” I even won at it my first time playing! Of course, it didn’t hurt that I convinced everyone that Rosie O’Donnell was “sensual…”

4. Nothing screams “prom season” as much as a gaggle of teenage boys looking uncomfortable in formal wear at Romano’s Macaroni Grill. The white, stretch Expedition limo blocking the parking lot entrance was a bit of a giveaway as well.

3. Small  Town USA is not Small Town USA without at least four computer repair stores on the main drag. No joke — our small town stroll was such that almost every other store was a computer store. All closed, of course. But these were not the run-of-the-mill big-box type stores. They were the ones that looked like a mom-and-pop type shop.  One of them, I kid you not, featured a “Web TV” (now “MSN TV”) in the display window. It made me feel like FAXing something.

2.  The classic novelty song “Splish Splash” lasts for approximately 8 seconds. This was a “humdinger” challenge I had when we were playing “Cranium.”  I had to hum “Splish Splash” so that my teammates would be able to identify the song and win that round.  The problem is that my only experience with the song has been hearing the initial snippet of it on televised ads for K-Tel type compliations which include the song. And they all only use the first two lines!

I think it’s a conspiracy; the song was never really recorded in full.  Just to make us lose. Curse you, Bobby Darin!

1. Need a tattoo or body piercing? Simple — head towards the airport. After I was picked up, we drove to a really nice place called “Mimi’s” to get brunch. And on the road leading from the airport (I forget was it was called, but it probably had an original name like “State Road 687″) we passed lots of places which advertised body piercings and tattoos. I still haven’t figured out the ink correlation, but I think I know why the proximity of the piercing places would be relevant: with TSA standards the way they are, it’s probably easier to fly without any embarassingly placed body jewelry due to the deterrent of “secondary screening.” So — once you get to Orlando and want to get your stainless steel on — you need to head no further than a half mile down the road from the airport. Simple as that.

And that’s it! I hope to learn more during the rest of my stay down here…

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* The events at Avitable’s home last night are still a bit fuzzy — but everyone has been kind enough to allay my fears by saying that the bathroom looked like that before I even arrived to the house. Thanks guys — that’s very sweet.