List on the 3s: Top 8 Things Av Needs To Do Before Going To Bed

“List on the 3s” has run into a bit of a snag today. Yes, it’s a day with the number “3” tucked neatly inside.Yes, there’s a list. But it’s not Shiny’s list.

You see, it’s one of those weeks which, due to poor planning, consists of three lists on the 3s: the 30th, 31st and 3rd. Couple in with that a busy couple of weeks as it is and the fact that Shiny is playing single parent this entire week as his wife is out of town on business — and you have one extremely run-down, tired blogger

However — fear not! Shiny’s talented six-year old son is happy to save the day! Hell — he’s happy to do anything if it means extending his 7:30 pm bedtime as much as possible! Which is why he’s decided to share the many stall tactics important milestones of life that must occur before getting tucked in to bed tonight.

Thus — Avi presents:

Top 8 Things I Need To Do Before Going To Bed

8. Play “Cars” or “Cars: Mater National” on the computer with my Dad. These are video games for the PC from three and two years ago respectively. And I love them a lot — even though we’ve beaten them several times over. The thing is:  It’s bonding between my father and me.  Even if his role is simple, repetitive motor skills. It’s not like he’s not doing simple, repetitive motor-skills all day long; I’m just helping him practice.

7.  Play with some sort of object and run around the house reciting dialogue from “Phineas and Ferb” verbatim. The louder the better. And, again — repition is key.  It is.  Repitition, that is. It’s key.

6. Brush teeth / Wash face and hands. This entails using as much foamy soap as humanly possible.  And getting toothpaste all over every surface in the bathroom.

5. Fill the humidifier. Kind of. We have a Brita pitcher in my room for the water for the humidifier.  I like to make sure it’s filled to the top. Pouring it is also fun — especially when I spill it all and I pretend that the levies that are my closet doors have overflown.  Good times…

4. Find a random book and insist that we read it before going to bed. Sometimes this is easy: if I have a book I need to read for school, that’s a built in activity right there. But if I don’t?  I’ll pick up any of my books and insist we read some pages of it.  It’s a way for me to practice my own reading. And if it’s not my books — it’s my parents’ books and magazines. I can identify the words Lohan and whore almost instantaneously!

3. Look for Woof-Woof. That’s my stuffed puppy dog I’ve had since I was a few weeks old. It used to look a bit like this:

I can’t even post what it looks like now because it’s so dilapidated and disgusting.  The color is now a dark gray. And it’s a bit raw and ripe — even after it’s just been washed.  I leave this companion somewhere in the house, and finding it before bedtime is always a huge event.  But hey — don’t want to make Woof feel left out. Am I right?

2. Put in my order for lunch — and then revise it a bit. I’m six years old. Which means I don’t quite make my own lunch yet. Usually it’s my mom’s job, but with her gone my dad has stepped up. He gets rather nervous about such things, making sure that all is well-balanced and that he includes enough grapes and pita chips and stuff. It’s not too difficult since I’m a very picky eater. But I like to change things up a bit by (a) asking for at least three things that we don’t have; and (b) throwing in at least one unreasonable request.  It impresses me how he thinks I’m serious when I make him explain to me why I can’t take a popsicle to school!

1.  Ask a random question of my Dad which will be sure to put him into years of therapy. You really can’t let your parents underestimate your power as kid extraordinaire in the home; you have to keep them on their toes every so often so they know that you can take them down with just a single sentence. Take today:  After all of the above happened and my beloved father thought that he reigned victorious, having me in pajamas in bed, teeth brushed and blankets on top of me, we said our respective goodnights and I love yous. I mentioned how I miss Mommy, and I received agreement from Dear Old Dad. His guard was down; that’s when I decided to attack with full force by asking this question:

“What happens when someone dies while they’re driving a car in a race?”

You should have seen the eyes on him as he comprehended the question!  And especially — how he hemmed and hawed about answering it appropriately!  Something innocuous about hoping that there wasn’t as accident involving any other people, and hoping the pit crew would pick up on it in enough time for it to be preventive, etc.   But I sure as hell know that it’ll keep him up tonight.

Go me!