List on the 3s: Top 6 Good Songs Shiny Wouldn’t Mind Never Ever Listening To Again

“List on the 3s?” You don’t know what “List on the 3s” is?

Well — then it’s pretty dang lucky that I made the following flowchart using Gliffy:

(Click to engrowify.)

I like a lot of good songs. I mean — who doesn’t? There are many classic songs out there which define a generation of music. Take, for instance, the song Crazy by Seal. His first big hit. Very catchy. Danceable. Profound. Karaokeable.  It’s a song which defines memories and memorizes definitions. And I love that song immensely.

But, strangely enough, there are certain songs which I deem in the category of “good” which I simply would not rather hear again. Maybe it’s that they’ve simply been overplayed. Or maybe such songs trigger a not-so-positive memory for me.  It doesn’t (necessarily) void the quality of the song itself; it just means that, as an aficionado of music, I’m perfectly okay living without it.

I will not be including musical samples or YouTube videos for any of these. Because — you know. Don’t really want to hear ‘em.

Top 6 Good Songs I Wouldn’t Mind Never Ever Listening To Again

6.  David Foster: Love Theme from “St. Elmo’s Fire”

I became excited about St. Elmo’s Fire a few years after it came out — because, although the movie was set in Georgetown, their outdoor shots were filmed at the University of Maryland.  It was a good Brat-Pack film with some good music to it — including this instrumental track which everyone would slow-dance to.  The sad piano and mellow sax at the end would almost ensure at least some making out. Very powerful song.

For me, it wasn’t the memory of making out with someone. It was the memory of specifically not making out with someone. She was immune to the song!  That… that monster!

Oh — and that version of the song that has someone singing along?  Bad. Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.

5.  Janet Jackson: What Have You Done For Me Lately

This was an important time for Janet (Ms. Jackson if you’re nasty): as the baby of the family, she was in the shadow of her brothers — especially Michael — who had enjoyed a highly successful world tour a year before. Sister Reebie even had a hit already! So Janet needed to come onto the scene with something strong. And she did.  She showed the music industry that she could sing and perform amazingly well.

I love the Control album. As well as Rhythm Nation 1814. But this song? It gets repetitive quickly. And it reminds me of Eddie Murphy’s comedy routine in his movie Raw.

4. Survivor: Eye of the Tiger

There are so many reasons I love this song! It was revolutionary — synonymous with adrenaline! And when Survivor sold out their song to Starbucks, they did a version where they were following around a guy and singing his anthem: “GLENN!  Glenn Glenn GLENN! Glenn Glenn GLENN!  Glenn Glenn GLENNNNNNN….”

Problem is — Mrs. P., my fifth grade music teacher, thought it would be cool for us to sing this in class. With only piano accompaniment. It just ruined the experience for me.

3. John Travolta and Olivia Newton John: You’re the One That I Want

There are two types of people in this world: Those who feel that the film version of Grease lept far beyond the reaches of the Broadway musical; and the smart people who saw the movie as a bastardization of an extremely clever and funny stage show which was designed to be a parody in the first place.  (Anyone who fits in the “I don’t really follow musical theater that much” is simply dead to me.)

I’ve been in three musical productions of Grease. Only one of them was true to the Broadway show — in that (a) the whole premise of the show was Eugene’s flashback to Rydell High in 1961; (b) there were cheesy full-length musical productions about the classical art of mooning; and (c) Sandy’s last name was Dumbrowski — not Olsson — and she sure as hell wasn’t Australian. There were extra songs written for the silver screen, including You’re the One That I Want which replaced the Broadway version’s All Choked Up.

It’s a catchy song.  But it reminds meof the simple travesty that was the film adaptation of Grease.

2. Bon Jovi: Living On a Prayer

I’ll cut to the chase: I’m not as impressed with Bon Jovi as many others are.  But I do recognize talent when I see it. And Living on a Prayer was certainly a memorable song.  Without Bon Jovi and Sambora singing the song onstage at the MTV Video Awards nearly two decades ago with nothing but a pair of acoustic guitars, we wouldn’t have MTV Unplugged. The song has become an anthem for many feeling downtrodden. Or those dockworkers who are down on their luck because the union’s been on strike.

But still — any time I hear this song I hear kids screeching it off-key in my head. Ouch.

1. Billy Joel: Uptown Girl

A great, doo-woppy song.  A fun video. A declaration of a dream that we awkward looking boys had — which was that it wasn’t totally impossible for a dorky looking fellow to land a fashion model like Christie Brinkley. The sound was simply authentic and something different.  This was a 45″ single that I gave to my sixth grade girlfriend Elaine for Chanukah. This one had meaning!

And now?  There’s this guy named Sanjay. Very cool guy. Known him for like, forever.  He sang lead on this song with his a capella group back in the 90s.  And every time I think of the song, I hear him just almost reaching the notes. But not quite.  Sorry, Jay — love you lots. But you’ve gone ahead and ruined the song for me.

How about you all? Any good songs that you wouldn’t miss?