I know we’re already one day out of Plagiarism Week ’09. I suppose it would behoove me to simply walk away from this wonderful week and get back to real life — and, perhaps, create a “List on the 3s” or something. But I left you all with some unfinished business yesterday, and I feel you all deserve some closure.
As I mentioned yesterday, I had a truly wonderful idea for a culminating piece for the week. I worked on it a lot. Well, I didn’t really do that. Instead, I thought up some great ideas in my head that simply hadn’t been executed yet, but I put so many eggs in the proverbial basket that my idea got ahead of me. Never mind that, I thought — it’s a wonderful idea and it deserves the head start!
But what I didn’t realize is how serious people can be about their work! Word got out about this video I was planning to do — with corporate tie-ins, celebrity cameos and the like — and the owner of the creative property got word of this — and he dropped his lawyer on me! Actually, even worse: they had a law intern named Jacob Needleman do the deed. And to add insult to injury, it seems that poor Jakey is actually the nephew of Ira Needleman, senior partner of the firm. He doesn’t even want to be a lawyer; he’s doing this to pass the time before CBS notifies him as to whether or not he’ll be participating on Big Brother this summer.
Anyway — a long, verbal melee came about between my own legal team and the fine folks at Needleman, Yudelwitz, Cohen, Weinstock and Dubinsky, Attorneys at Law. Legal briefs were written up, and legal writs were far from brief. (I don’t even know what that joke means.) Many lewd comments were thrown across a mahogany table which looked so appealing that I could simply lick it from end to end. And finally, at the eleventh hour, we came up with a deal.
Sadly, I conceded quite a bit in this so-called “equiatble solution.” But that’s behind us. At this point, the terms of the agreement are as folllows:
(1) I hereby apologize for spitting at the intellectual property owner any time within the past 28 hours.
(2) I hereby will not attempt to merchandize on this specific parody of said intellectual property.
(3) I will no longer use the Hebrew term I made up for members of the legal team, Mizdayneem b’Tapud. Which loosely translates to “potato fuckers.” I surrender this made up term for members of opposing counsel to use freely.
(4) I will validate parking for all legal counsel for the rest of 2009. Harsh…
(5) My PW09 derivative work may go onward — but must be edited as to decrease the likeness to the original intellectual property.
Basically, the pit-bulls of Needleman, Yudelwitz, Cohen, Weinstock and Dubinsky, Attorneys at Law (or N. Y. C. W. & D.) have cornered me against a lon, solid, uncurved wall. My attempt to plagiarize Cereal Wednesday was officially deemed appropriate under a certain condition: that I do not refer to the word “cereal” in my derivative work, nor display or promote cereal at all. Believe me — this is easier said than done.
But I’ve attempted something nonetheless. And with that — I give you the PW09 Finale: