List on the 3s: Shiny’s Top 6 Flu Remedies

“List on the 3s” is a meme — a word, which, by the way, comes from the Senegali word “maoemoeae” meaning “that which serves as a template for writings on the bark of sour acacia trees.”  In true etymological form, I am actually going to cut down some of these rare trees the moment I get to Senegal, after which time I’ll use their branches to make a large “3.”  Or, if there aren’t any curvy branches, just the roman numerals III.

Anyway, there’s something to do with a list on any day that happens to have a 3 in it.  Hence the whole notion of a meme. Exciting, no?

There was a story on the news I heard as I was driving into work this morning.  In the Washington, DC area, there has not been much of a flu outbreak in Maryland or the District proper. However, Virginia has been hit relatively hard. Of course, this isn’t really as dire as it could be. Not a huge epidemic of massive proportions. Just people getting sick.

But hey — doesn’t affect me! I had a flu shot back in October! And besides — I’m feeling just fine!  Not like the people at work who… um… have been sneezing and coughing their heads off! In my nice Newtork Operations Center which has… well, lots of people working in close proximity…

I started to feel the dull headache around 1:30 or so today. It got to the point that I just felt incredibly ugh around 4 or so. The drive home was not fun.

I can’t be sick! I have stuff to do tomorrow! In public places! And I’m hanging out with my Dad on Sunday! Not a good time, germs! Totally not cool!

I took some sudafed a few hours ago.  This was after a good non-stop sneezing session which I had for about twenty minutes.  I suppose the medication has helped me out a bit.  But there are probably other things which have, historically, done a better job for me.   These are the things that comfort me enough to help me heal to a level of… well, think Claire from “Heroes.”  Except that I don’t look nearly as good in the cheerleader outfit.

Top 6 Flu Remedies

6. Miso soup. I don’t know what it is about miso specifically, but it does wonders for me. When they come out with prescription strength miso, I’ll be the first in line with a forged scrip from my “doctor.”

5. Shower. This should be relatively obvious.  I usually shower first thing in the morning. But when I’m sick? A shower in the evening helps immensely. However, there are two constants: (a) the shower has to remain at an extremely high pressure against my chest. Not too hot, just warm. As long as I can stand there for a few minutes, I should be good. (b) The towel I use to dry off has to be friggin huge. It’s that whole cocoon feeling, I guess…

4. Back issues of Entertainment Weekly. This does wonders. Especially if they’re several months old. And that way the big article about how huge a movie like Bedtime Stories or whatever the Adam Sandler vehicle is — well, it feels like you’re playing all-omniscient in a way. All-omniscient is a prime state required to combat the flu.

3. Futurama. Gotta watch Futurama. Any episode. It’s even better if it’s already on TV and I don’t have to get up and change the DVD.

2. Adding someone peripheral as a Facebook friend. Maybe it’s a self-conscious thing — but feeling like there’s another friend out there  does the trick for me. And with the whole “People You May Know” tool? If you’ve ever been in the same state as somebody (or, I suppose, in the same platoon), and they recognize your name or something, then it just makes you feel that much better.  If you feel better, you get better. Even if it’s because of someone you happened to stand next to in line to get Kylie Minogue tickets.

1. The hot/cold sleeping arrangement. This is a fun craziness I’ve got. I must be the correct proportion of hot and cold at any given moment. Which means I must sleep with as few clothes on as possible. But, and this is simply a maybe depending on how feverish I am, possibly socks.   Furthermore, I need to be wrapped in some sort of blanket or quilt.  And the fan has to be on.  It’s even better if I’ve just been showering and my hair is still wet.

Why does this help? Haven’t the faintest. But it does.

I suppose Sudafed should be on the list as well. But it’s not clinically proven to really help all that much, right?