List on the 3s: Top 14 Cool Things About Sen. Sam Brownback

“List on the 3s” is my semi-regular feature which entails me writing a list of some sort on any calendar dare which contains a 3. Which is a very difficult task as it’s only August 22 as I write this, and my “gist on the 3s” simply isn’t here yet. Furthermore, I’m typing this out on my iPhone in a remote area of Pennsylvania for which I do not have any decent reception, this cutting me off from the outside world. (I hope to find a tiny bit of Internet tomorrow so I can post this.)

I have to say, though: being out in the mountains like this is relaxing and tranquil. So much so that I’be taken a look at the subject line and have determined that to write such a list will simply stress me out and ruin the whole calamity of this place. This — I will write what I know.

However, it’s kind of an embarassing list. And not suitable for younger audiences. If you can’t handle adult subject material very well, I strongly suggest you stop reading now.

TOP 8 AFFECTIONATE NAMES FOR MY GENITALIA

8. Ishmael’s Nightmare (yes. A Moby Dick reference)

7. “Say hello to my little friend!”

6. Where It’s At (Two turntables and a microphone)

5. Item flagged by TSA for “special screening”

4. A Proud, Card-Carrying Member (where specifically I carry my cards would involve some off-color illustration.)

3. Veggie Dog

2. The Jolly “Green” Giant

1. The Special Victims’ Unit