“List on the 3s:” Shiny’s Top 7 Jason Bateman Television/Film Roles

“List on the 3s” is kind of difficult to explain — on any date which has a number 3 in it, such as June 3, I post a list. Which would mean I would not post a list on June 5. Come to think of it, it’s really not difficult to explain at all, is it…

The summer 2008 movie season is in full swing! So far we have had a couple of franchise hits (Sex and the City, Speed Racer, Indiana Jones) and we’ll be getting some more soon (Batman: The Dark Knight, The Hulk, Rush Hour 7: Electric Tuckerloo). But one film which has had quite a bit of buzz already is the summer Wil Smith superhero comedy blockbuster, Hancock. It’s not based on a comic book or TV show, nor is it a sequel. (Yet.)

Wil Smith plays a superhero who has turned into a major asshole. He hires a publicist, played by Jason Bateman, to fix his image issues but ends up boning the publicist’s wife, played by the lovely and boneable Charlize Theron. You can find the trailer online where it pretty much gives away the rest of the movie if you don’t want to be surprised.

But this is a milestone for Jason Bateman — who not only is co-starring with Wil Smith for the first time in a major motion picture, but is also premiering in his first film with the word “cock” in the title. Often it’s a sign that an actor’s value may be depreciating, but in this case I believe it rases the stakes for Bateman.

For he, after all, is an acting legend. A yardstick of comedy excellence. While I haven’t seen films such as Teen Wolf 2 or The Kingdom or his stint as a youngster on Little House on the Prarie, he has been superb in his craft throughout the years as I was able to see him. Thus, I present:

Shiny’s Top 7 Jason Bateman Television/Film Roles

7. David Hogan on Valerie / Valerie’s Family: The Hogans / The Hogan Family (1986-1991)

Direct YouTube Link

Surprisingly, this was his longest-running stint — although the name of the show changed suddenly when contract negotiations exploded for star Valerie Harper, for whom the show was named. I mean, come on! You can’t name a show “Valerie” without a Valerie as the main character! (I guess Bertinelli and Bromfield were busy…)

But anyway, Bateman’s David character was the older, nurturing brother to twins. And since their father, an airline pilot, was away a lot, he took on that fatherly role. Which wasn’t bad for him at all — it was his first “nice guy” role, the roots of which we see in his work today.

Can you believe that this show was actually on for more than five years? Wow…

6. Rupert “Rip” Reed in Smokin’ Aces (2006)

It was a small part in a big movie, but he played self-deprecating incredibly well as one of Buddy “Aces” Israel’s crooked lawyers. His two scenes are all dialogue and all funny. And the bra doesn’t look too bad, either…

5. Derek Taylor on Silver Spoons (1982-1983)

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I used to think this was a really dumb show. And now after careful review two decades later — I realize that I was right. maybe I just can’t stand the laugh track.

But i would watch anyway. Because it was a televised version of the Richie Rich comic books. Who doesn’t want to watch a rich kid who is heir to a toy empire who has Erin Gray hanging around the mansion?

But Ricky’s friend, Derek Taylor, really stole the show as the practical joker / con-man. He had this slyness about him that would make adults trust him — but would go above and beyond to be as psychotic as possible.

Sure — some of his pranks were innocuous. (Fast forward to 5:50 in the video above to see Derek in action). But I recall two specific incidents where Derek instigated some new subject matter into the show:

(a) for the science fair, he created a covert listening device and planted it on his dad — who was checking into a hotel with a woman other than his wife; and…

(b) when he and Freddy were sleeping over at Rick’s house, he stole the key to the cable box so they all could watch porn.

Derek was the guy who could carry the show himself. So they decided to give him exactly that, and give the audience exactly what they wanted. So, a year later, NBC presented…

4. Matthew Burton on It’s Your Move (1984)

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Let’s face it — smart-assery in kids sells. The success of Derek, the sweet little con-man was so great that they gave him his own series. He grew up a bit, entered high school, and defended his mom from the writer-boyfriend (David Garrison) next door. Keep in mind that this was about half a decade before Bart Simpson became legendary doing the same pranks. And even two years before Ferris Bueller and four before Parker Lewis. The show (which aired on NBC) suspended reality enough to make the con-antics funny.

Take this clip, for instance. I remember the premise of the show as if I had seen it yesterday. Bateman’s character creates a fictional rock band to play at the high school dance — and makes them out of skeletons from the science class operated by an intricate pulley system. Suddenly they become a hit — which garners media attention, booked-up gigs and loads of cash. It was really ahead of its time. Bateman was slick.

Oh – and Garrett Morris played the high school principal.

3. Michael Bluth in Arrested Development (2003-2006)

Direct YouTube Link

Okay, okay. Perhaps the video was based on David Cross’s Tobias character. But Jason Bateman leading this ensemble with a straight face is just amazing. In fact, there’s nothing about the three seasons of this show that is not amazing. It was a wonderful comeback vehicle for him (and for the rest of the cast as well). It’s still unclear if an AD movie is really in the works, but you can bet that I’ll be first in line if it is…

2. Jake Galvin in The Jake Effect (2002, then 2006)

This was a brilliant midseason replacement show for NBC in 2002. Starring Bateman, Greg Grunberg (Felicity, Alias, Heroes) and Nikki Cox (Unhappily Ever After, Las Vegas). Bateman is Jake, a lawyer alongside Grunberg’s character (they also share an apartment in Chicago) who quits the law firm and decides to teach high school. There he meets a fellow teacher (Cox) with whom things get interesting. It’s a witty show with some of the elements of Arrested Development in it.

And it would have done well had they actually aired it.

But they didn’t. And it got shelved. Luckily it was revived for a brief time by Trio’s (and then Bravo’s) Brilliant But Canceled series where all six episodes were shown online. If you look hard enough you can find these six episodes out there; Google video will sell you them for two bucks a pop as well. Good stuff…

1. ESPN 8 (“The Ocho!”) Sports Commentator Pepper Brooks in Dodgeball (2004)

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Four words: “Pepper needs new shorts!”