“List on the 3s:” Top 6 Reasons To Retract That Dunkin’ Donuts Ad

List on the 3s!
List on the 3s!
It’s a new list
for youz and meez!
I make a list
On any date
which contains a 3 –
So don’t go hate.

I’m sure you’re all familiar with this picture by now:

If you’re still not filled in, there was a rather silly controversy earlier this week when this web-ad appeared online — and conservative critics including blogger Michelle Malkin associated Ray’s scarf to be similar to a kaffiyeh, a headdress traditionally worn by Arab folks and thus, per the critics’ logic, could insinuate that Ray and Dunkin Donuts are supportive of terrorism. Dunkin Donuts decided to pull the ad on Wednesday, acknowledging “the possibility of misperception.”

I don’t think Dunkin Donuts should have caved to this pressure by right-wing Islamophobes. Not at all. Not when there are many, many more pressing issues about this ad that should be the impetus for its removal…

Top 6 Reasons To Retract That Dunkin’ Donuts Ad

6. Her head is too big for her body in that picture. Really. She looks like a bobble-head in this photo. Don’t get me wrong — I’m not calling her unattractive. Not in the least. It’s just not a realistic portrayal of her. Compare the picture above to this one of her:

Again — she looks adorable — especially when you put her right next to someone Eddie Van Halen used to climb on top of on a regular basis. But her head here looks more in-tune with the size of her body.

5. The “Click for Audio” label is inconsistent with the icon. The icon is one of those circles with the slash through it — as to indicate “mute the audio.” Yet the label asks you to click it for audio. Which one is it?

This also begs the question which makes me cringe: is the appearance of that icon an indicator that sound was actually playing upon the loading of that ad? Because that’s a foul in itself. Ads on webpages should be seen and not heard. Unless you’re at the public library and it’s for porn.

4. The advertisement is seasonally inaccurate. There are cherry blossoms in the background. Please humor me and find one locale on this continent where, after Memorial Day, cherry blossoms are still budding in that manner. What are we teaching to our children with such obvious deceit? Why cherry blossoms anyway? Perhaps it’s because…

3. The pink blossoms on the trees symbolize gay pride and demonstrate support for same-sex marriage. Rachel Ray caresses a latte; the guy who played Sulu marries a dude. I can see the perverse connection. Can’t you?

2. “Choices to Feel Good About” is a sentence fragment ending with a preposition. “Choices about which to feel good” may take up two lines with added copy, but let’s face it — there’s plenty of whitespace which I can easily point to. And think of the children: Can you think of anything else aside from the web for them to learn with? Sometimes it’s the big picture people have to envision themselves in.

1. The building in the background kind of looks like a condom with reservoir tip. I’m surprised that Malkin and crew didn’t pick up on this one — in a society like ours where the morals and values of our children are at stake, we can’t allow an ad to provide a “just say yes to sex” message. We need to re-educate our students to know that they shouldn’t be conditioned to think of anatomy as just tall, grande or venti.

And there you have it. I only wish they’d reinstate the ad just so we could demand they revoke it again…

See you tomorrow for… well, List on the 3s!