Telephonic Lament…

We still live in the stone ages. We have actual landline phone service coming to our home. Over copper wires.

That’s an impressive feat in the DC area — as we’re one of those metropolitan suburban areas which has been a test ground for FiOS, the local phone company’s “fiber to the curb” alternative which has been impressing folks in droves with telephone/internet/television bundles as of late. All over a much faster pipe because, well, fiber-optics. But my specific city is not slated to get FiOS capability until at least 2009, so we’ve got our copper lines staying put.

I suppose we could opt for voice-over-IP (VoIP) or the cable company’s telephone alternative, but it always comes down to what would be used in the case of an emergency. Phone lines are powered through the line terminating at the central office; everything else relies on local power. If we have a blackout similar to the one that hit the east coast a few years back, it will be more likely that our central office will have the battery/generator backup than our own home. So — copper landline it is.

That being said — we need a new cordless phone for downstairs.

The one we have now is several years old. I bought it off of ebay — and it certainly worked fine for a whle. But it’s an older model which doesn’t play too well with the wireless internet signal. And the battery pack is losing its charge — a replacement battery costs slightly more than what we paid for the phone. It may just be time to get a new one. But a better one — more durable. Perhaps a 5.8MHz phone which doesn’t interfere with our internet like the 2.4GHz ones do?

So I checked the usual suspects: Ebay. Craigslist. FreeCycle. Even some of the electronic deals websites I like to go to. All to look for a sturdy, 5.8MHz cordless phone I can mount on the wall in my basement.

Easier said than done.

Did you know that prices really haven’t gone down for these 5.8MHz phones? I really thought they would. After all, everyone is ditching their landlines for cel phones! These should be going the way of the 8-track tape by now! Yet they remain rather scarce and pricey.

But the ones they sell? They don’t sell them individually anymore; While I can certainly see how it would be helpful, I don’t want to spend money on this:

I only need one phone. Not an entire family of phones. We only have one landline coming into our home. And the home only consists of three people, one of whom still doesn’t quite understand how to fully use it yet. This is not a purchase we’re making for the Wayans family. One phone, That’s it.

And that’s the thing: they really want to push the “Oo! Multiple handsets and chargers for all around the house!” feature. It makes me wonder if part of the charm is for families that lose the handsets of their phones. “It’s okay, honey — we have another fifteen charged and ready to go!” I don’t think we’ve ever lost a phone. Besides — if we did, we’d use that handy intercom feature that would make the handset beep as soon as we realized it was lost. And since the phone lives in its cradle when not in use — we’d know that right away.

Oh – and here’s the other issue: “Wall mountable” has a different meaning now than what it did a few years ago. Nowadays phones charge vertically in a tabletop cradle. The cordless phone we have in our kicthen clicks in to a wall-mounted base which is flush against the wall. Sounds easy enough.

But the new phones? Sure, you can wall-mount them. but you wall mount them sticking out of the wall horizontally! I’m not kidding about this. Have a look:

What’s sad is that I couldn’t actually find a picture of a properly wall-mounted phone like this — save the technical diagrams in the PDF files online. But They’re simply ugly when attached to a wall.

I guess I’ll keep looking. And hope and pray that technology moves forward to an extent where having a cordless phone in our basement is a non-issue…

EDIT: The lovely Finn imparted some brilliant advice — which was for me to check Target. So I did. At lunch today. And found this on sale:

Yes. There are two phones. And I wall mounted one of them downstairs. It juts out a bit, but it will do.

Thank you, Finn!